What aspect inspired the most and when did you hear about Vassar?

Feedback would be great especially on content and grammar. Thank you all so much.

this school has everything I have been looking for

Vassar College has everything I have been looking for and more. The college provides academic flexibility, a peaceful campus, and a vast number of opportunities. At home, the small kitchen table was where I spent so much time learning; studying calculus, doodling graphics, and participating in intellectual discussions. A microcosm of Vassar.

For as long as I could remember, Vassar has been on my mind. For one reason, I have lived in the Hudson Valley my whole life, Beacon to be exact. Only a half hour drive north, we have seen Love and Information in the Martel Theater, the Vassar Repertory Dance Theatre's gala at the Bardavon, and the Summer Choral Festival at Skinner Hall. The best way to continue this tradition is to be a part of the tradition.

What is truly appealing about Vassar is the number of possibilities, from their endless electives to their flexible curriculum. This is truly important in any school and is so hard to find. I'm excited to become a Mathematics major and am glad to find that I will not have to give up my artistic background. The extensive dance classes in ballet, modern, and jazz caught my eye but what really stood out was the opportunity to audition for the Vassar Repertory Dance Theatre. After thirteen years of dance, it's comforting to find a school that is capable of continuing my outlet and my love.

From the academic side, it is so appealing to find that you are able to complete your degree's courses but also study others that you have been interested in your whole life. Even though I have a long-term goal in Mathematics and Statistics, Cognitive Science and Computer Science have danced in my mind. I wonder about the similarities of the mind but also the structuring of data; all that can be satisfied with the ability to move around.

At Vassar, I have found a larger kitchen table. One where exploration has no end and knowledge can expand in ways I didn't know were possible. And with this I know I can call Vassar my new home.

I think you have done a good job in structuring the essay and also content wise it is appealing.

Sarah, the motivation part is not clear. Simply attending these activities at the university grounds because you live close by is not motivation enough. You speak of continuing a tradition as part of the motivation factor but you never really detailed what this "family" tradition is or was that you feel so compelled to continue by attending the university. Since this motivation is part of the response to when you heard about Vassar, you should complete that presentation. One way of completing the presentation is by speaking of your earliest memory of Vassar, what activity you attended with your family, how you were in awe of it, and basically, how Vassar seemed so magical to you at the time you first stepped foot on the grounds. From there, develop the continuity of the activities that you and your family participated in at the University. These could fulfill the explanation of "tradition" that you speak of which you are excited to continue as a student there.

The rest of your essay is right on the mark and delivers on all aspects as to how you are inspired to attend Vassar due to it unique academic opportunities and excellence. I don't see anything worth changing in those sections because you were able to successfully explain yourself and your interests. You just have to focus on fixing the portion I mentioned in order to perfect your presentation.