Aspirations Vs Stereotyped Beliefs; Amherst

Here is my essay for Amherst...Please read over it and let me know what you think! I'm worried it may sound so cliched. Thanks in advance!!

As an Asian female from a disadvantaged background, I often find myself struggling between my individuality and the stereotyped beliefs of East Asian culture and Western culture. I have realized that societal views of Asian females place a glass ceiling on how women, especially Asian Americans, should behave. Society, friends, teachers, and neighbors expect me to be a compliant, quiet, and non-opinionated girl who has a perfect grade. Even my own family members reinforce the existing stereotypes; my conservative parents or grandparents advise me to stay home and become an obedient housewife. Although I am far from meeting that expectation or rather that stereotyped belief, I am surprised and frustrated by my subconscious effort to fit the mold set by society or to legitimize my mistakes based on those stereotypes.

Despite society's expectations and my own subconscious endeavors to fit into that stereotyped mold, I hope to pursue my life-long dream of becoming an international health expert. I believe I will be able to rise above societal definitions with a consistent effort to fight against the danger of prejudices that still exist in the 21st Century. Although it may be a long fight as the socially constructed perceptions are not limited to a tangible realm, I am confident in my ability to make a difference, especially for children whose dreams are undermined by societal definition. Children are our future. If children can grow up without the fetters of stereotyped beliefs, then in a couple decades, our society will no longer be subjected to or subject individuals to self-fulfilling prophecies that often marginalize children's dream.

You forgot a word:
"As an Asian female fromadisadvantaged background ..."

"stereo-typed belief(s)" is found too many times throughout your essay. You sound redundant. Consider omitting it those words a couple of times throughout your essay where they are not necessary.

"...especially for those children, whose dreams are undermined by the stereotyped beliefs. " Omit the comma between "children" and "whose."

Yes, "Children are our future" and "a goody two-shoes" sounds too cliché.

Either way, I understand your frustration. Good luck!

Thank you for your feedback! Do you think it would be better if I come up with an entirely new topic?? I feel like the topic itself is quite cliched... because any other Asian female could write the same essay...

Let me know what you think!! Thank you!!

Well, first you should have included the prompt because without knowing that it is difficult for us to provide you with more meaningful feedbacks.


... Well, Asian female is a large subset in which women in all Asians countries are included and there can be major variations among these women in terms of culture, beliefs and values. So, I feel this is too much of a generalization and it is better you draw it more towards your particular ethnicity which may give the reader a more specific idea about your issue.

Amherst is going to have a really easy time selecting their class this year as it seems these prompts are baffling most applicants. Since you are picking the stereotype prompt here, you should read the prompt again and again. It is not only talking about stereotypes, but more importantly, how -- in an effort to escape those-- we just create new ones. We can help you with this. -Admissions Advice Online