"assistant contingent leader" - UNIVERSITY OF ILINOIS

In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it

I aint too good at ritins.I seriously need your help in how i could correct it.Please help me out as the deadline is soon approaching

The one activity that I undertook which most influenced me as a person was being assistant contingent leader for my college for the annual college youth fest Umang -.held by NM college of commerce and economics. This was my first stint with responsibility and leadership.I was initially hesitant as it was an unprecedented thing in my life but eventually gave in to the insistence from the faculty of my college.

This youth fest, which was held on a very big scale included various events in relation to sports, computer applications , fine and performing arts, and numerous workshops.I had to make the students of my college aware of these events and help in finding out the talent suitable for a high profile event like this which involved the participation of 120 colleges spread across the entire country.I had to put up posters and be present during the auditions.I also had to organize and encourage the students . It was a daunting and tedious task considering our college has above a thousand students in the 12th grade itself .However, the most challenging task was to instill a feeling of team spirit and confidence in the participants and to console them if their event didn't go well.

The event was a huge success and our college did considerably well despite the fact that we were taking part in this youth fest for the first time. I won the 2nd prize in the my event(War of the CL,s to decide upon the best contingent leader).Most would say that I wasted a copious amount of my time amidst the organization and prepation that went into this.However, I believe that this experience has given me immense exposure ,organizational and public relations skills, a true feeling team spirit and most importantly belief in myself.

So here is what I think.

I was initially hesitant as it was an unprecedented thing in my life but eventually gave in to the insistence from the faculty of my college.

Maybe something better would be like: I was initially hesitant as it was something I had never done in my life. But, I eventually decided to do it because __________.

Don't say you caved in because it makes it seem as if you still regret it in some way.

You have a lot of "I had...I had...I also had to" You need to change it so that it is more interactive and not as if you were writing a list.

I believe that this experience has given me immense exposure ,organizational and public relations skills, a true feeling team spirit and most importantly belief in myself.

Instead, maybe something like: I believe that this experience developed my organizational and public relations skills and most importantly: self confidence.

Your essay has a good skeleton. You just need to make some changes it will all be good.

Thanks a lot :)
Ya i realised i use "i had " a lot.
Illdefinitely make the changes

I was initially hesitant, as this was an unprecedented challenge in my life, but eventually gave in to the insistence of faculty members a t my college.---> good! Now right after this sentence, give the thesis statement. The thesis statement is a sentence that expresses the MAIN IDEA of the whole essay.

I am looking at the last sentence of the essay, and it is all about the skills that developed for you during this experience. Therefore, I think the thesis statement you add to the end of paragraph 1 should be about skills that developed, too.

:-)

Thanks a lot :):).
Can you estimate if i even have a chance of getting in with this essay?