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Autobiography - College Essay (Taiwan)



jaidenrex 1 / 1  
2 days ago   #1
Hi! This essay is for applying for an undergraduate degree in International Relations in Taiwan. I have to write an autobiography but they didn't give me any prompt, so I'm quite skeptical about what I wrote. Please help me review it. I'm open for any suggestions and advice.

Growing up in Bangkok, I was a part of a city rich with contrasts, with traditional temples standing alongside modern skyscrapers, while street vendors offer a selection of food that represents their own cultural backgrounds. It was this kind of combination that prompted my interest in global diversity. From an early age, I sought to understand not only my own culture but also the perspectives and lives of people beyond my borders.

When I first started following Thailand's political situation through the news in my late middle school years, my interest in politics started to expand. At the time, the government was the target of constant protests and harsh criticism. This sparked a desire in me to take action in any way or form I'm capable of. Prior to the 2023 election, I was part of a team that arranged a student-led debate between different political parties about their educational policies. This experience showed me how significant it is to involve young people in political discourse. Later on, I volunteered to promote equality at a pride parade in Bangkok as an interpreter, which not only helped me to better comprehend human rights but also to practise my language skills.

To widen my viewpoints, I took part in Model United Nations (MUN), where I debated various global issues and represented many countries. As I become more conscious of how local realities are influenced by global dynamics, such experiences affirmed my desire to pursue a degree in international relations.

I felt as though I had entered another universe when I decided to spend my exchange year in Iceland. It was a dramatic change from Bangkok's scorching heat to the coldness and the stunning scenery of northern Iceland. The majority of my classes were taught in Icelandic, which was difficult for me to understand at first. It was a real challenge, and there were times when I questioned whether I could keep up. I soon discovered, though, that genuine progress happens when one steps outside of their comfort zone. Getting used to a whole new language and setting taught me to embrace discomfort as a chance to become resilient. The word "þetta reddast" in Icelandic means "it will all work out in the end." That turned into my motto, reflecting the spirit of perseverance I used to overcome my obstacles.

As a universal language that cut over linguistic and cultural barriers, music became my refuge in Iceland. I played in local and school concerts as a drummer, utilising music as a way to communicate with people and share my experiences.I was a board member of the school's music club. I served as the drummer for my band's mini-album and as the co-organizer of in-school music competitions. Through these acts and performances, I came to see that diplomacy is about more than just verbal exchanges; it's also about establishing connections based on shared interests and finding common ground. Music beautifully serves as an example of how cultural exchange is a two-way process in which each person brings something special to the table.

As I returned to Thailand, I carried with me a different view. During my exchange year, I discovered that language is not just a means of communication but also a means of unlocking new perspectives. I returned home and intensified my efforts to follow my academic interests. Since I majored in French in high school, I joined the French club in my final year to immerse myself in the language and Francophone culture. I also continue my passion for the English language. Recently, I was ranked 42nd out of 5002 highschoolers in a national English competition. This demonstrated my commitment to learning a foreign language and my will to succeed despite any challenges. These accomplishments demonstrate my belief that learning a new language opens up new perspectives on the world and its people, making it more than just an academic endeavour.

I can't wait to study international relations in Taiwan to carry on this journey of discovery and development. Taiwan is another example of a cross-cultural bridge-a location where many influences come together and the East meets the West. Its one-of-a-kind geopolitical location and vibrant academic community, in my opinion, will give me the chance to broaden my knowledge of global politics. Combining my experiences in Thailand and Iceland with my French studies will hopefully allow me to make a significant contribution to discussions on international diplomacy and cross-cultural understanding.

Every note on my voyage from Bangkok to Akureyri and, possibly, to Taipei represents a distinct experience, and every melody teaches a lesson. It has been a symphony of cultures. Through it all, I have learnt that my journey is determined by my willingness to travel and how I adjust along the way, not by where I am from. I am eager to move forward, continue promoting intercultural harmony, and use the knowledge and insights I've acquired to promote a world that values its many voices, all while keeping "Þetta reddast" as my compass.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15282  
2 days ago   #2
Sunce you are supposed to write an autobiography, you should be starting at the very beginning. Talk about your parents, not their romantic story but rather who they are as individuals leading up to your birth and their influence on your life. Who is your role model? Why? How supportive are they of your studies? If you can talk about your grandparents that you are closest to, that would be appreciated as well. Any other people who may have influenced your decision to enter into this particular field of study will be greatly appreciated by the reviewers.

The rest of the essay is good enough to be included but I would avoid discussing why you want to study in Taiwan and your expectations about studying there. That is a future consideration that is not part of your autobiography. The biography should only cover your life up to the present moment.
OP jaidenrex 1 / 1  
2 days ago   #3
@Holt
I took your advices into consideration and added this paragraph as the first one

I was born to upper-middle-class parents who grew up in poverty but eventually made their way up to where they are now. They decided to have me in their late 30s because that was when they knew they could provide me with a quality education and a comfortable life. My mom was a first-generation college graduate, whereas my dad was a first-generation high schooler. When I was young, my mom would always tell me stories about her hardships like how long it took her to get to school and how she balanced her work life with her studies. Her stories taught me the value of determination and the opportunities that education may open up, which shaped my mindset as I grew older.

I also deleted the last two paragraphs and added this one instead

My journey has taught me that growth develops when we step outside of comfort zones and embrace the new environment. From adapting in Iceland to Bangkok's contrasts, I have gradually learned the importance of adaptability, open-mindedness, and finding common ground. These adventures have influenced my worldview and increased my respect for cultural diversity, whether it be through political debates, cultural exchanges, or music.

How do you like it?


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