Please read and comment. Feel free to make inputs and correct my grammar. Be as critical as you can!
Also, I know that my essay is written in two tenses, but I feel that the present tense shows more action. However...I feel that essays should only be written in one tense. So should I just change everything to the past tense?
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Broadening Horizons
Heart pounding, palms sweating, and legs wobbling, a six-year old girl begins the climb to what will seem like an endless journey. One floor to the next, she pushes her feet forward to mount each step. At each floor, she stops expectedly and passes a circular trail of doors. Slowly and carefully, she separates the heavy curtains, chained by exquisitely hand-crafted beads, leading from one door to the next. The process repeats on every floor, because there is something new to see and something exciting to learn.
Finally, as she mounts the last steps to the seventh floor, she feels a thrill of success overwhelm her. She recalls an eighth century Chinese poem from Wang Zhihuan that she recently learned in school, and recites a line under her breath, "You can enjoy a grander sight by climbing to a greater height." Oh, how true that is! She is standing at the top, where her tiny hands can almost reach out to touch the clear, blue sky. If she stands too close to the edge, she thinks her weight may abruptly bring the structure to topple over. She looks down to the people relaxing on the green grass, and notices that they are as tiny as ants. It is a moving anthill of color, but somehow she spots a familiar face. "Mom!" she cries out, while waving her arms animatedly, "I've made it!"
This was atop the Aviary Pagoda in Yuen Long Park, Hong Kong; I was the little girl.
Little was I, and little did I know that was only the beginning of a real life journey: a journey that did not consist of climbing the steps of a bird tower, but the steps of greater institutions. I arrived as a timid child to the United States one year later, unfamiliar with my surroundings - I sought to adapt. Soon, I befriended other children on my block; from racing one another on rollerblades in the summer to frolicking and snowball fighting in the winter (my first time encountering snow), I no longer felt like a foreigner. I lay on the snow-covered ground and began to shape a snow angel, but instead became lost in thought. Staring out into the cloudless sky, I envisioned myself standing up high: raven black hair billowing, slender arms stretching, and petite hands reaching out to the world. I wanted to "enjoy a grander sight"; I wanted to make that climb up, but I wondered, "How?"
Imagine my excitement when I first stepped into Brooklyn Technical High School, a twelve-story institution (even though most of us utilized up to the ninth floor). This was the beginning of my ascension in Key Club, a student-led international organization dedicated to developing leadership through community service. In my never-ending quest to climb higher, I obtained a leadership role. More importantly, I discovered the true values of giving back to the community. A warm sensation rushed through my body when not-so-fortunate families received Thanksgiving meals that I helped to packed, or when children beamed with delight upon unwrapping holiday presents that I donated; I knew that they would not be alone during the bitter New York winter. The experience I gained was invaluable and fulfilling; I climbed one step higher by helping others.
Just like the little girl eleven years ago, I have come a long way: emigrating from Hong Kong, assimilating to the American culture and its values, and attending the prestigious Brooklyn Tech. I no longer have a simple stair-climbing feat to amaze myself. Nonetheless, I will never forget that exhilarating climb, for it opened up my young, inquisitive brown eyes to the world. The journey is not over yet - there is still land undiscovered. What lies ahead? I have no clue, but I am prepared to broaden the boundless horizons.
One day, I see myself with a rush of adrenaline, announcing once again, "Mom! Dad! I've made it!"
Also, I know that my essay is written in two tenses, but I feel that the present tense shows more action. However...I feel that essays should only be written in one tense. So should I just change everything to the past tense?
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Broadening Horizons
Heart pounding, palms sweating, and legs wobbling, a six-year old girl begins the climb to what will seem like an endless journey. One floor to the next, she pushes her feet forward to mount each step. At each floor, she stops expectedly and passes a circular trail of doors. Slowly and carefully, she separates the heavy curtains, chained by exquisitely hand-crafted beads, leading from one door to the next. The process repeats on every floor, because there is something new to see and something exciting to learn.
Finally, as she mounts the last steps to the seventh floor, she feels a thrill of success overwhelm her. She recalls an eighth century Chinese poem from Wang Zhihuan that she recently learned in school, and recites a line under her breath, "You can enjoy a grander sight by climbing to a greater height." Oh, how true that is! She is standing at the top, where her tiny hands can almost reach out to touch the clear, blue sky. If she stands too close to the edge, she thinks her weight may abruptly bring the structure to topple over. She looks down to the people relaxing on the green grass, and notices that they are as tiny as ants. It is a moving anthill of color, but somehow she spots a familiar face. "Mom!" she cries out, while waving her arms animatedly, "I've made it!"
This was atop the Aviary Pagoda in Yuen Long Park, Hong Kong; I was the little girl.
Little was I, and little did I know that was only the beginning of a real life journey: a journey that did not consist of climbing the steps of a bird tower, but the steps of greater institutions. I arrived as a timid child to the United States one year later, unfamiliar with my surroundings - I sought to adapt. Soon, I befriended other children on my block; from racing one another on rollerblades in the summer to frolicking and snowball fighting in the winter (my first time encountering snow), I no longer felt like a foreigner. I lay on the snow-covered ground and began to shape a snow angel, but instead became lost in thought. Staring out into the cloudless sky, I envisioned myself standing up high: raven black hair billowing, slender arms stretching, and petite hands reaching out to the world. I wanted to "enjoy a grander sight"; I wanted to make that climb up, but I wondered, "How?"
Imagine my excitement when I first stepped into Brooklyn Technical High School, a twelve-story institution (even though most of us utilized up to the ninth floor). This was the beginning of my ascension in Key Club, a student-led international organization dedicated to developing leadership through community service. In my never-ending quest to climb higher, I obtained a leadership role. More importantly, I discovered the true values of giving back to the community. A warm sensation rushed through my body when not-so-fortunate families received Thanksgiving meals that I helped to packed, or when children beamed with delight upon unwrapping holiday presents that I donated; I knew that they would not be alone during the bitter New York winter. The experience I gained was invaluable and fulfilling; I climbed one step higher by helping others.
Just like the little girl eleven years ago, I have come a long way: emigrating from Hong Kong, assimilating to the American culture and its values, and attending the prestigious Brooklyn Tech. I no longer have a simple stair-climbing feat to amaze myself. Nonetheless, I will never forget that exhilarating climb, for it opened up my young, inquisitive brown eyes to the world. The journey is not over yet - there is still land undiscovered. What lies ahead? I have no clue, but I am prepared to broaden the boundless horizons.
One day, I see myself with a rush of adrenaline, announcing once again, "Mom! Dad! I've made it!"