Bard Supplement Essay - Role of non-commercial art in our Society

I was wondering if this essay is in accord with the topic and whether there are any grammatical/other mistakes. Is it aesthetically pleasing? Any additions perhaps?

Cheers!
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Write an essay defending the role and place of the arts, especially those forms that are not commercial in our society. In answering this question, feel free to focus on one particular art form.

Classicism

The professor in our World Arts and Cultures class had just opened a new section of the study of fine arts. It was called Classicism. I didn't know how important this part of our studies was until I noticed him talking about 'Kritios Boy' with passion. On that day I learned about the dawn of all classical art works. Kritios Boy was a sculpture born to show the perfect image of the human body.

to the audience


it's too long to follow. You can easily break this sentence into two.

Avoid contractions...weren't: were not

I find your essay a bit like a newspaper article. You seem so detached throughout. You can add about why this art form is important to you, why you particularly you find it interesting and so on.

I don't exactly know what kind of response this Bard supplement demands.
Good Luck!

Thank you very much.
More comments would be very helpful.

I have rewritten my essay and changed some bits of it. Please give me some feedback in comparison with the previous one. Are the different part making sense in relation to each other? The limit is 2400 characters but mine is 2686 characters.

Thank you
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- Write an essay defending the role and place of the arts, especially those forms that are not commercial in our society. In answering this question, feel free to focus on one particular art form.

Classicism

The professor in our World Arts and Cultures class had just opened a new section of the study of fine arts. It was called Classicism. I didn't know how important this part of our studies was until I noticed him talking about 'Kritios Boy' with passion. I was then reminded of my childhood. I had a little book which had brief information about the 'Seven Wonders of the World' and among them was the recital of a statue of Zeus, the Greek God. That was my first encounter with the ancient world and the reason why I became particularly fascinated by the art of that period. The time had finally come for me to learn about my obsession, the strange existence of such cultures so diverse from my own.

I was taught that Kritios Boy was a sculpture born to show the perfect image of the human body. It represented the celebration of the human body in the ancient Greek culture. Classicism might have been the recreation of ordinary and everyday-life scenes in the ancient times in the form of art but today it has been able to represent the boundaries of a human's mind and talent in a period of time when technology was not present. The precise study of the human body was the subject of many statues and paintings in the ancient Greek culture. This may have been the cause of many important discoveries about the human body.

Why are such sculptures so impressive and aesthetically pleasing? It is because they represent humans with utter control over their bodies and poses. The pose in which we find most classical images as being depicted in is the magnificent Greek creation called 'Contraposto' which expresses the willingness to move in a visually obvious manner. It is only logical that for the creation of such masterpieces the artist combines his power of observance with the exterior beauty of the sculpture.

Furthermore, most of these breathtaking sculptures weren't used in the same way that they are being used today. They were not meant for standing in different museums and out of their cultural context. Each of the nude figures stood in a location that gave meaning to their existence. Many of the sculptures that show the faces of young men with curly hair and a clean-shaven profile stood in the temple of the Greek god, Apollo as offerings to the god. Kritios Boy might have been an example of these sculptures.

These were brief explanations to the creation of the culture that intrigues me so much. I discovered the importance of the art that was the foundation of all other art forms and medicine and mathematics perhaps. The contribution of classical art to the human society has assisted the expansion of different areas of knowledge.

Hi Please HELP!

This essay is so good. It is hard to find ways to criticize it...

I searched for ways to improve it, and the area in which it needs a little work is the clarity of composition. For example, this sentence above is a topic sentence that could express to the reader that the places and times the sculptures were exhibited gave them them significance that might be unnoticed by modern people. As this sentence is now, it makes a nice transition, but from the reader's perspective it can be hard to follow. The reader's attention is taken by the task of following your logic. If the topic sentence of each paragraph expresses plainly the main idea of the paragraph, it can be so powerful.

However, your writing is already great!!