I barely have time to breathe; Perfectly Content

I am not completely done but could anyone help me out? The topic is:
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

I have been told from a young age to try my hardest in whatever I do. Whether it was sports or academics, I continuously pushed myself to be the best. Between rigorous volleyball practices, studying for my honors and advanced placement classes, and mentoring elementary kids in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, I barely have time to breathe. However, despite all this, there is one place I can go to anytime, no matter how exhausted or stressed I am. The place I feel the most content is, not in the classroom, or at the gym, or even in my bedroom, but in my backyard, under the shade of a giant oak tree with a blanket and a good book. When I read, I can go anywhere, be anyone and do anything. I can forget my troubles and engross myself in literature. Instead of worrying about the struggles in my day, I can get lost in the works of Emily Bronte, Jane Austen, or even Lois Lowry. I can go on an adventure with Frodo Bagins in Lord of the Rings; I can study alongside Hermione Granger in Harry Potter; I can discover who the killer is in And Then There Were None, but no matter what I read, I can be someone different, do something new, and that is what is exciting to me. Every page is a new adventure; every chapter, a new story. Sitting under the oak tree, reading, I can be free to be whoever I want, where no one can judge me, and that is where I feel perfectly content.

I would try to vary your sentence structure a little bit. There's a lot of lists so try breaking it up with shorter sentences. I'd also break it down into smaller paragraphs, like "When I read..." should be a new paragraph. I'm pretty sure I recognize this from the common app so keep in mind that the admissions officers are reading this essay to get a sense of who you are as a person. They already know all your clubs and sports and activities, so I would personally cut out the mentoring elementary kids through Big Bros/Sis part and about your AP classes. I'd also try to give a better visual of the spot under the tree. Think 5 senses. The whole essay is asking where you feel most content, so you should focus on that part. And I know you're not done yet, but you should NEVER end anything with "and that is blah blah blah." It's like a cop out. They want to see creativity!! But your word choice is really good, you do a great job using words other than the generic adjectives.

I too find that there are some issues with your flow :( It does not flow smoothly. You need to establish a better connection between sentences.


I think you consume too many words and sentences to tell the reader the background of why you need to be there in that relaxed environment. However, you need to the same having the place as the focus because your prompt revolves around that point.