Why do I want to become a nurse? essay- school admission.

It all started with my mother. The compassion, warmth, determination to help others has always been a major part of her. And as you can imaging, being her child for quite some time, now, it was not so difficult for me to grasp these sensational virtues. She would help anyone who would stand in her sight. Being very young at ...

I only copied the second half of this really long sentence. Why not make it a separate sentence:
I later understood when I experienced the feeling that comes from making a difference in someone's life, feelings of joy, accomplishment and self-worth...when I helped friends...etc. etc


If this essay is for an admissions letter, you might want to tailor the ending to how you will be an asset to the school.

thank you so much for this. I think i'm on the right track.
Are you an Admission officer? just wondering.

I like that first suggestion for a revision of the first line. I was going to suggest this:
The compassion, warmth, and determination to help others has have always been a major part of her. ---- but Linmark's way is better!

I don't know if any EF members are admissions officers, but we should get some!

And as you can imaging imagine, being having been her child for quite some time, now, it was is not so difficult for me to grasp these sensational virtues. She would help anyone ...

Although (no comma necessary) my mother ...

This last part needs a little change. It is wrong because of: my eagerness to -------> personality
I firmly believe that my personality and eagerness to learn, help people, and personality _______ (add something different) along with my efficiency will benefit any of my future employers and certainly make me a better person and remarkable nurse.

:-)

My dream on becoming a nurse was highly influenced by my mother. Her The compassionate, warmth, and determination to help others helped me grasp these sensational virtues. She would help anyone who would stand in her sight. Being very young at the time, I believed, at first, that it was some sort of stress coping mechanism or even a disorder, but I later understood that everlasting feeling of joy, accomplishment and self-worth that making a difference in someone's life was when, in my turn, was helping friends of mine with assignments in class, or even people I didn't know crossing the street, carrying shopping bags to their doorstep. As simple as these deeds were, they were all the more gratifying for me and more so when I started volunteering and working at the hospital taking care of patients and residents.

Although, my mother contributed in shaping me into the caring, affectionate, and aspiring person that I am today, my desire to become a nurse is fueled by my long-term goal, which is to ultimately become a doctor and more specifically a surgeon specialized in neurosurgery. Evidently, the necessary fund to reach this point is an undeniable aspect of my goals, and that is where nursing comes into the picture.

I firmly believe that my eagerness to learn, help people, and personality along with my efficiency will benefit any of my future employers and certainly make me a better person and remarkable nurse.

EUGENE KOLEA