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Becoming A Tibetan Boy



zouztingt 6 / 23  
Oct 26, 2009   #1
Hello everybody, I recently decided to change my main essay for comman application to this one. Advice is needed urgently! Thanks..
Here it goes

Becoming a Tibetan Boy

"Lang zo zie lian zong ou zong, gai song la..." A handsome Tibetan boy singing an old ditty proudly looked around as if admiring the snowy wonderland. Five steps away, a Tibetan girl dressed in a delicate green robe sneaked onto the stage, adoring her hero from a secret corner. The hall murmured in bewilderment. There was no Tibetan boy studying in our school. Who on earth played the Tibetan boy? Yes. It's me.

My story began with a card and a bag of candies I foisted into Drolma's desk. "Friendship means share. I hope we can have a sweet start with these handmade candies." Anyone can tell that Drolma is different by a single glance. Her rough tanned skin, curly brown hair, and enormous dark eyes all give away her Tibetan identity. Being the only Tibetan in class, Drolma spent most of the day savoring her inner world. Han students treated her like dealing with a giant panda, with respect but no intimacy. I felt sorry for her. A teenage girl far away form home must need a local friend's support no matter how different their background and belief are. I stepped forward to look for friendship. The following day, I discovered some Tibetan black beans in my desk.

I broke into the Tibetan clan. Sitting among the Tibetan girls' chats can be very educational, as I soon learned their belief and taboos. I became their tour guide, shopping deputy (since Tibetans live on campus only) and part-time schoolwork tutor. In return, they taught me basic Tibetan and readily accepted my English Corner invitation. Like the Yellow River breaks through numerous mountains to connect Tibet and Shanlan, the friendship between Tibetan and Han can be free from cultural differences, religious distinctions and political disputes. At the end of the semester, I got a bracelet Drolma prayed from the Tibetan Holy Temple, the certification of our friendship

As the New Year celebration drawing near, my Tibetan friends busily planed to perform an ancient plateau legend, a checkered love story between a peasant's boy and a noble girl. Nevertheless, all Tibetan students on campus were girls. Who were to play the boy? Why not Yuting? Me? I was completely thrown into astonishment. I'm not Tibetan, neither am I a boy. Acting male parts, such as the most handsome man in ancient China, the considerate boyfriend and even the almighty Ultraman, is my specialty, but a boy who would dance and sing in Tibetan? Six pairs of clear eyes gazed at me in anticipation. I bit my lips, smiled and took the challenge. It would be immensely entertaining to play a Tibetan Boy, but most importantly, I'm responsible of helping my friends make a successful show. It proved that digging deep into the mystic Tibetan culture with enthusiastic natives around was truly appealing. The silvern melodies, the vibrant robes, the waving sleeves and the gentle steps brought me into an untapped poetic world laid far away on the mystic Qinghai-Xizang Plateau. In the vocal and physical treasure drifted down the primal Tibet, an invisible belt tied my Tibetan friends and me tightly together.

Our performance was a brilliant hit. Han students were fascinated by the beautiful legend, the picturesque finery, and the abstruse Tibetan culture. Always looking for an opportunity to make a closer connection between Hans and Tibetans, I founded the Tibetan&Han Culture Club with the help of my friends. We posted posters all over the campus. Guess what was on our posters? A comic drawing of The Tibetan Boy by my dearest friends.

OP zouztingt 6 / 23  
Oct 26, 2009   #2
Please, I really need your advice.
Thanks a lot!
10jinw 1 / 3  
Oct 26, 2009   #3
What is the common app essay prompt? Analysis, analysis, analysis. Why is this significant? I don't really see how any of this relates to why you want to go to college or any description of you. Commonapp essays and college essays are essays that explain to the undergraduate admissions what differs you from the other students. Otherwise, this is a really good explanation of an activity that you have done in the past and has good success.
OP zouztingt 6 / 23  
Oct 26, 2009   #4
I want to depict myself as a person who cares for others and can bravely break the culture barrier. Well, It seems I've failed it. Thanks 10jinw.
OP zouztingt 6 / 23  
Oct 29, 2009   #5
ok,is it so boring that I can't get any advice?
If it is, please tell me.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Oct 31, 2009   #6
Good!! This shows that you are thoughtful and that you can write well. Since you are using it for your applications, though, I think you should try to make some connections with your academic aspirations. For example, did this experience give you any insight into what you want to do for a living as an adult?

I think you should take out some of the details in order to make room for a paragraph about how the experience changed you, and how it strengthened your resolve to be a ________ or to accomplish_______??

We hung posters all over the campus. (I think "posted posters" is not good) :-)

So, it will be great if you can condense this and make room for an intro and conclusion that reflect on the story and what it means for you as an intellectual person. Frame this story about what happened in between a good into and conclusion that both reflect on it.


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