@Harriet
Growing up in Ghana with my mother in the United States....
With my mother in the United States, I grew up in Ghana with a belief that my future held endless opportunities in its pocket for me.
...Johns Hopkins; mainly through e-mails, the school's...
I am hopeful that I will be one of them.
...use the knowledge to better improve the world-specifically ...
... education from Johns Hopkins is what I need can help me to contribute ...
you have a weak conclusion over here. It sounds like you're going to further describe about your future plans after this... so better replace this with a more convincing one.
I believe with a Penn education, I can achieve my dreams; the research opportunities and available awards will lead me to them.
Do post your revised version again on this thread.
Best.