I'm a little worried about my essay being stolen (even though it's completely rough) but could you edit my intro? Where do you think the essay is going? What should be included to answer the prompt: Evaluate a significant experience and its affect on you.
One of the best aspects of an education is getting to learn more about different perspectives. Having a group of people who look at life through different lenses allows everyone to learn more. I feel that I look at life through a lens that would contribute much to the college atmosphere. My mother has manic-depressive disorder, and my father and stepmother are both former alcoholics. These experiences have made me very interested in psychology, because I have seen its direct effects. I want to know why certain people become addicts and others don't. The study, explanation, and hopefully the end of these issues is fascinating to me.
As long as your accurate information is listed under your membership information, you won't have to worry about plagiarism.
Avoid using contractions in your formal writing pieces; they are inappropriate, and many instructors will count down for their use.
I think the essay is going to make a personal link between your life and experiences and the field of psychology you are most interested in. I think it would be a good opening for you to discuss how you can/will conduct research to answer your questions.
What do you see as the "end" of this issue? I also hope that you will evaluate the experiences you allude to in this introduction more in the body of your piece.
How should they be evaluated? What conclusions need to be drawn? I know this is what I want to talk about, but I'm not sure how to make it into a well written, cohesive essay. How could I tie it all together to make it flow? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated
Perhaps you should discuss what evaluative standards you think are necessary. What ideas do you have as to how to find the patterns you are seeking?
You could start off with just a rough outline; make sure you include each major point you want to discuss, with rough statistics, facts, or details for each point. Once you know what it is exactly you want to talk about, you can attach the main topics with transitions and other "fillers" to make it flow easier.
i have rewritten this intro to better encompass what i feel this essay should include. I have the rest written, but this is the part that I am having trouble with. I feel that it comes off as cliche, something that I do NOT want.
Any suggestions are very appreciated. Thank you
I once read a quote on a poster in my Economics class that said, "Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you." I sincerely agree with this quote. What makes everyone different is not merely the events in their lives, but rather what each individual chooses to do with them. When faced with a bad situation, the decision to go and make a difference rather than give up is the thing that distinguishes those who are driven from those who are not. Because of my experiences involving psychology with my parents, I want to go into that field of study.
Good evening :)
OK, let's see. How about this:
I once read a quote on a poster in my e conomics class that said " Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you." I sincerely agree with this quote. What makes everyone different is not merely the events in their lives, but rather what each individual chooses to do with them. When faced with a bad situation, the decision to go and make a difference rather than give up is the thing that distinguishes those who are driven from those who are not. I have been faced with bad situations, and the decisions I made guided me to where I am today. Because of my experiences involving psychology with my parents, I want to go into that field of study.
I don't think it's too "cliche"!
Best of luck!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience and its effect on you.
Five years ago, my mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This came after a series of increasingly erratic behaviors spanning the course of about two months. She refused to get out of bed for days, and then she wouldn't sleep at all. After a particularly long period of withdrawal, she abruptly decided to take the family on vacation. It was very confusing, not only because of her abrupt change in attitude, but also because she began to have some bizarre concerns. She became very worried about miniscule details, such as how many potato chips had been eaten, and she suddenly became very upset about seemingly nothing. One morning, two days into our trip, completely lost it. My sister and I woke up, hearing her screaming. We couldn't understand why mom was acting the way she was. She was angry and throwing dishes, then crying on the floor. I remember wondering what was going on; my mom made no sense, and she wasn't herself. When we eventually came home, she was hospitalized.
The next year my dad lost his job. He began drinking excessively, saying that this was the lowest point in his life. About a month later, he was put in the hospital for atrial fibrillation, a heart condition where one's heart will race until it explodes. The doctor told him he had to severely cut down on drinking or he would be right back in the hospital. He didn't listen, thinking that he still had it under control. Then we began to find bottles hidden in bizarre spots around our house, and my dad couldn't be trusted to stay sober at any time he was awake. I remember the frustration when we couldn't trust him to be sober long enough to drive me to a movie, or pick up my sister from dance. I couldn't comprehend why he wouldn't just quit. After a particularly upsetting incident, my grandparents came and checked him into alcohol treatment. He came back, and I had my dad again.
I consider myself very blessed. There are many people whose stories do not end as happily as mine do. There are many reasons why I am so fortunate, however, I attribute the great success and improvement in my parents to those who worked with them in the hospitals. In both cases, my family was privileged to work with very dedicated psychiatrists and therapists intent on helping my parents get well. My life has been greatly affected by the, and I hope to have as positive an effect on the lives of others as those in this field have had on mine. I know that this will require a tremendous amount of work and dedication, as well as the knowledge that can only be gained from a quality education but I have directly seen the positive effects, and cannot wait to begin that process.
please make as many corrections as possible thank you
