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Best For Me As A Lourdesian



delrosariocarl 1 / -  
Oct 8, 2012   #1
Every little detail in my sixteen years of existence has contributed to the person that I am today. My thoughts become my words; my words turn into actions, actions into habits. 'We are what we repeatedly do,' Aristotle would say. Indeed, habits form our very character.

I'd like to highlight some of those little but significant details that have helped define me as a person in school. Let me tell you the best moments in my life as a Lourdesian. Isyu Koryo was the best activity we've done in third year high school. I was tasked to do the video presentation for the introduction of our presentation. Doing the said video presentation wasn't easy for me. I didn't care about the video presentation because I was too lazy to do it. During the practices, I did nothing. Almost last five days of practice for the presentation, I noticed that the video presentation should be submitted before the day of performance. I got panicked for the rest of the practices. Thad and I told Chynna that we need her for the shooting. So we had the shooting, after that, I edited the video but accidentally the video got blurred. So I went to Mr. Laygo to help me with the problem. He told me that I have to repeat what I did from the start. I told to myself that I will not do it again because it has a very long process to finish it. I tested different ways for the video not to be blurred. As good luck would have it, I did it! We, Anthony, Thad, and I, rendered the video and submitted it to Mrs. Lumbre. That way, I am able to evaluate the pros and cons of each process and arrive at the most satisfactory decision. This has helped me become more open to possibilities and to other people's opinion, more careful about my decisions and objective about my actions and also, to become a person who thinks outside the box.

Here's another of those significant experiences. Right now in fourth year high school, I got the top one in class. During my first days in fourth year high school, I feel nervous, fear and excited because of so many things or requirements to pass. Quizzes for me are quite difficult. I got a failing score in my first two quizzes in Economics. So I decided to study hard for the upcoming quizzes. I study hard, I slept late just to study but this made me help to pass all of my quizzes. This helped me realize that studying before quizzes is a good way of passing the quiz. I keep a planner where I write school activities or homework so that I would not forget to remind myself about it. These pressure, fear and nervous were just a remarkable words for me as a senior student. As a result for my hard work, I got the top one in class. This helped me achieve my goals in going to college. I learned to be more assertive and fair, to voice out my opinions and suggestions, to prioritize the important things, and most importantly, to be a student model.

There are thousands of other details that have made me me. These are only two- two little, two significant, two experiences I will gratefully look back into in the future.

Leah_Writer - / 46  
Nov 5, 2012   #2
Hello! I think this is a great piece, but would be even more interesting to read if you use more sophisticated transitions. Right now, you state that you're going to write about experiences, and then do it. I think the essay would be stronger if you don't state what you're going to write about, but just jump right in. To transition from one experience to another, don't use a contraction ("Here's"), and try to make some connection between the two experiences. For example, "Another significant experience for me has come in my current, fourth year of high school." I would also recommend checking the mechanics, such as verb tense, on this essay--there are a couple of small mistakes. I love your conclusion and intro, however. Good luck!

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