Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
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Although I occasionally forget, life has treated me extremely well; aside from the fact that I have always had shelter and clean water, I have never experienced a heartbreaking death of someone that mattered to me. I have never fought alongside someone in a battle against cancer. I have never watched a grandparent decline through old age. Hell, I haven't even slept a day where my beloved dog wasn't curled up next to me in bed. I have never experienced the devastation of death nor can I begin to fathom the impact it can have on someone. So forgive the ostensible trivialness when I explain the impact a girl in the eighth grade had on me.
Before freshman year, I was a pretty well-rounded kid. I mean, standing at a towering five foot six and weighting in at a lean one-hundred and eighty-six pounds, I was definitely round. "Pleasantly plump," my mom would comfort me with; obliviously obese would have been more accurate. Looking at old pictures, I remember being disturbingly content with my extra baggage. I remember thinking that loose shirts would help hide the loose stomach, and that long hair would shrink my large face. And though at the time I was extremely embarrassed, I wouldn't change a thing about the moment when Beth pointed out the extra fat I had on my chest at the eighth grade pool party.
I mean I had known Beth for a couple of months before that destined day; we weren't great friends, so I guess in retrospect, I shouldn't be too surprised that she called out my man-boobs in front of everyone else. I was probably more surprised at the fact that I was that big in the first place; I hadn't even graduated middle school and I had already "let myself go". Even though I have never seen or heard from her to this day, Beth's words have had an enormous indirect importance to the person I am today.
Beth provided the long-needed wake-up call no one else could. She left me with an epiphany that only her blunt impoliteness could have created. At first, I dove into a brief period of unfair blame-on my mom for feeding my bad food, on my dad for not signing me up for sports, on my overweight dog who is called cute for being so-but soon realized that this was no one's fault but mine. Beth's brutal honesty generated my self-dissatisfaction and allowed me to discover the motivation needed to change myself.
Ironically, spending large amounts of time on the computer was how the journey to turn my life around began; proper research was required before any major diet changes took place. The hardest part came next-turning my words into actions. Abstaining from decadent sugars and fats and maintaining a daily exercise regimen was an acute lifestyle change from my sedentary self; my old habits were going to die though, even if they have to die hard, because Beth wouldn't let them live. Her indelible words were ingrained in the back of my mind and often supplied me with a friendly reminder anytime I thought about sneaking in a cookie or slowing down on my runs. Eventually, with Beth's words and a trusty pair of running shoes, results came.
My battle against blubber had been fought, the numbers on the scale finally declined, and my life felt like a fad diet testimonial. I dropped four pant sizes and now wear small-sized shirts; my hair no longer covers my face and my stomach no longer hides my belt. My knowledge of health and exercise rivals most of my friends and I now find myself more physically active than they are; and instead of being winded after walking a lap around the track, I now work towards my first half-marathon. Beth sure did ruin the rest of eighth grade, but thanks to her, she changed the rest of my life.
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Don't go easy on me! Thanks in advance!
The language in your essay seems ok to me.
Some things I found on my second reading
Hell, I haven't even slept a day wherewithout my beloved dog wasn't curled up next to me in bed.
"Pleasantly plump," my mom would comfort me with
obliviously " obese" would have been more accurate
( you mean "obviously obese" or obviously, "obese"?)
I remember thinking that loose shirts would help me hide the loose stomach,
blame-on my mom for feeding myme bad food
( a typo i guess)
