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Biographical essay: the dissolved Soviet Union to the modern America



Yayz 10 / 94  
Aug 13, 2010   #1
To provide you with a sense of what this is application if for...it is a program aimed at low-income, high-acheiving students with the ultimate goal being admission to one of the US's most selective colleges w/ a full scholarship

We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit)

The Soviet Union, as one may learn in a History class, was a very bleak place for most of its inhabitants, to say the least. It was in a land far away far away from the West. It was a land where displaying opinions that diverged from what was announced as correct often resulted in a ticket to Siberia. It was a land where, in the words of most textbooks, consumer goods were very rare. It was a land where people, such as those in my family, died from starvation. The Soviet Union is my land and its depressing failings are woven into my being. I feel that in order to explain who I am today, I must start with the life out of which I gained life-my cultural and historical background has and continues to shape me and offer personal lessons from which to grow.

The sharper the contrasts between the Soviet policies and my values, the more intense are my convictions and passions. For instance, the Soviet Union stressed, possibly above all, conformity to the group. One of my most cherished qualities is nonconformity. While the Soviet Union has long been dissolved, conformity is still an insidious trap manifested in a person's desire to be accepted by society, and thus kowtow to its norms. I treasure the uniqueness of every individual and believe that my unconventionality is my greatest quality. As earnestly as the Soviet Union sought to eliminate individuality, so do I seek to illuminate all that makes me different and encourage others to appreciate their own distinct attributes rather than succumb to the pressures of "the crowd."

This is, however, not a promotion of arrogance or self-centeredness because in admiration of qualities that distinguish an individual, we also encounter his or her less charming quirks. While I am proud of things like my passion for psychology that led me to enroll in Dual Enrollment classes at a local college and earn "A's" in those courses or my whimsical, yet diligent, effort to teach myself piano, I also realize that I have a habit of correcting others' grammar when it is unsolicited and that I tend to sound very sarcastic or cynical when I have not rested sufficiently. Luckily, due to this reflection, I am more self-aware and able to modify my behavior with others in mind.

Similarly, my rather rocky transition from Ukraine, a country that, as many others have, has separated from Russia with the dissolution of the Soviet Union, to the United States is also a source for musing and a perpetual influence on my development. In 1995, my father left for New York, my mother followed him in 1996, and I was able to see both of my parents once more in 1996, when I finally arrived in the United States.

When I asked my grandmother about my parents, she told me that I could not see them because they had not yet purchased a couch while the real reason was that the immigration services in the United States were refusing to believe that I was my father's child. The reason I find this exchange interesting is that it is a fundamental principle of developmental psychology that is usually taken for granted-namely, there are some things that children are not ready to understand. I find this fascinating because it denotes the amazing progress of the human mind from the blank slate of infancy to the capacity of abstract thought attained when an individual reaches the formal operational stage and beyond. Still, while this observation can be made from a near endless source of examples, I find this one to be particularly special because it reminds me of the fragility of the human psyche-the entire, beautiful development of the mind can take a disastrous turn as a result of stressful experiences. While this was not a traumatic occurrence, it does inspire me to help those who do suffer from mental illness, especially in immigrants that are typically overlooked.

Since I entered an English school system when I was five, I had the opportunity to gain a native mastery of the language. My parents, however, have struggled in acquiring the foreign tongue. While this has been a great obstacle to their success in the workforce, they continue to persevere and, in doing so, motivate me to pursue my goals with the same unflagging determination. I understand that I have opportunities far beyond those that were available to my parents and attempt to exploit them in my quest to achieve my goals. Knowing that my father was unable to attend a higher-level university because of his Jewish heritage and religion instills in me a greater desire to matriculate and succeed in a university that challenges me intellectually and provides opportunities to explore my various interests. 802 words. =|

andy_Z 3 / 6  
Aug 14, 2010   #2
hi, i just picked up parts of obvious mistakes in your first paragraph.

e.g. The Soviet Union, as one may be learned in a History class,

It was in a land far away far away from the West. (not necessary)

consumer goods were very rare

maybe it should be " goods for consuming were very rare."
OP Yayz 10 / 94  
Aug 14, 2010   #3
The Soviet Union, as one may be learned in a History class

Um...I do not believe that is grammatically correct...no offense...but, I am not an expert, so let's see what others say...

It was in a land far away far away from the West. (not necessary)

Oh, that was a typo, I didn't write that on purpose. Thank you for pointing it out!

maybe it should be " goods for consuming were very rare."

Erm, I'll have to disagree with you again, "consumer goods" is a proper phrase and I do, in fact, remember reading that phrase in multiple textbooks, articles, etc. Also, "goods for consuming" sounds a bit odd, again, no offense (just trying to voice my opinion and generate a discussion)...I think it is best to stick with the conventional phrase than create a new, lengthier one...

You should feel free to argue against any of my contentions. Thank you for reading my essay and offering suggestions! =)
OP Yayz 10 / 94  
Aug 14, 2010   #4
It was in a land far away far away from the West.

I just noticed "in" should not be there, too.

...this brings the word count just barely under the limit. Awesome. Now about that conclusion...


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