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"Born in China, immersed into a new culture" - Boston University Essay

juesewang 4 / 9  
Dec 20, 2009   #1
In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

I was born in China and moved to the United States in the third grade where I was immersed into a new culture. Growing up in a vastly different culture than the one I grew up in, I am more diverse than many of my peers.


Its all i have so far. any help and suggestion would be appreciated. thanks you guys!
shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 20, 2009   #2
So what are your three words? You kinda avoided the prompt- are 2 of them hardworking and passionate?

Okay, so I hate to break it to you but you sound like any other student who works hard and does well at everything they do. There's nothing unique about this essay, and nothing special I can see about you. They expect everyone to be hardworking and passionate (which, by the way is an incredibly overused word).. so what makes you stand out? What quirks do you have? What makes you interesting and not just a boring good student?
OP juesewang 4 / 9  
Dec 20, 2009   #3
my three words are Diverse, hardworking, and passionate. and they are Italicized in the actually word document. Passionate i was kinda thinking of working it into something along the lines of "even though some of the things i am passionate about, many would question the importance of...but i learned to not let one rebuttal affect what i love... is that cliche?
sadhvi010 3 / 18  
Dec 20, 2009   #4
I like the essay...but it seems the same as any other essay...maybe you could use more vivid details and illustrate your examples? You know like a story? Just a suggestion :) Also...I think the paragraphs could possibly flow together a bit better...transitions? I think if you tell it like a story and get the 3 qualities across the audience will be more entertained.
shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 20, 2009   #5
dont italicize the three words, introduce them
demuredelight 2 / 22  
Dec 21, 2009   #6
Hey,Juese,you need to work harder on your language. Do use politically correct wording and avoid making your reader(especially American officer) feel bad!

I was born in China and moved to the United States in the third grade where I was immersed into a new culture. Growing up in a vastly different culture thanfromthe one I grew up inthat of China , I am more diverse than many of my peers. Living in a society that obsessed over football teams and holiday decorations,(too negative, like you are scolding the natives) while coming home to an environment where family members regard that New Yearswas is more important than Christmas allowed me to get the best of both worlds.(this sentence is way too long, buddy. My suggestion is I have to adjust myself in two completely different cultures--one in which my western friends are enthusiastic about Christmas decorations and celebrations, the other in which my family emphasized on Chinese New Year ) These two cultures are a huge part of me, and I will bring my diverse background with me to BU. Not only will my peers and professors at BU get a peek into a culture that can be traced back to more than five thousand years ago, but they will also interact with a hardworking student and compassionate person (being hardworking and compassionate are your virtues, pls feel proud to elaborate) .

The last fourteen years of my life were filled withwere accompanied by strict ballet teachers, tearful lostloss of coveted roles, hectic dress rehearsals, and painful hours on Pointe. However, they were also filled with precious moments on stage where I was the center of attention and the chance to perform on the Kennedy Center stage. These years of ballet have not only taught me to persevere through the disappointments and rejections, but it has also shaped me into a more confident individual. In addition to ballet, I became student chair of my school's only fundraiser in my junior year. This opportunity allowed me to interact with my teachers and the school's board of directors on more personal bases and understand these strangers who, in my eyes, used to mean nothing more than a means to good grades. I gradually began to see my teachers who brought more to the table than just their masters and doctorates in their respected subjects. I discovered that they each brought with them a different life story and with that, insights and perspectives into my life based on their experiences.

As college becomes the immediate future and narrowing down the gap between me and themy top colleges becomes a priority; I feel Boston University is a great fit for me. Not only am I more than adequately prepared to tackle the challenging curriculum at BU, but I also hope to enhance the already remarkable BU community by taking an active roll in campus activities (hopefully the BU's dance team) and getting to know my professors and peers beyond the daily classroom setting. I hope to be able to confide (i dun quite get what you mean here) in my professors and to discuss subjects beyond my test grades and homework assignments.
OP juesewang 4 / 9  
Dec 21, 2009   #7
Thank you so much!!!

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