Boston University supplement essay: tell us why BU is a good fit for you, why you apply?

This is only my first draft paper, so it is surely not good enough. Any comments, thoughts? Really hoping to see your reviews!
PS: Does anyone think that course no.(CAS PH 155 A1)is necessary? Since this essay is a little bit more than the specified words here.(256/250)

Passionate about both philosophy and political science, I find BU's emphasis put on interdisciplinary studies particularly appealing. I would be thrilled to join the college of arts & science and pursue membership in BU's exceptional Philosophy and Political Science program. Through course like "Politics and Philosophy"(CAS PH 155 A1), I shall be enchanted with the opportunity to explore questions associated with these two subjects, such as " Can and should politics be conducted philosophically?" "What legitimizes the exercise of government power?", with professor Griswold, an impressive specialist in Moral and Political Philosophy. I am very confident I will be cultivated the most sophisticated philosophical skills of analysis, expression and argumentation from not only this course but also many others as well as inspiring.

In addition, I have always believed that diverse experiences contributed essentially to one's growth. And I shall continue to diversify my campus life at Boston University, a place full of diverse people, groups and researches. Outside the classroom, I hope to join Feminist Political Philosophy Reading Group to exchange opinions with people from the world and engage myself in energetic conversations. Also, I intend to immerse myself in hundreds of cutting-edge researches offered by Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program. Among them, a program related to sociology particularly excited me. I wish to volunteer as research assistant for a project on immigrant families with autistic children. Working with professor Nazil Kibria, I shall apply my knowledge on statistics effectively and gain experience in qualitative research methods. My mother language, Chinese, also well fits this program.

HI Jessica, there is no need for you to include the course code in your essay. The university reviewer will automatically know which class you mean if you mention the actual course. If you want to bring your word count down even more, use the course code instead. The reviewer will still know what you are talking about. Now, on to other matters.

I would not speak of the diverse campus experience at BU if you have not yet done an actual campus immersion or visit. That is because the diversity experience is not something that you can explain away in a theoretical form. You need to have actually experienced it and detail the event in your own words and experience. It cannot be based on research or interviews of alumna.

Another out of place section is the mention of Chinese as fitting well into the program. Since you are not allowed enough words to actually explain why speaking Chinese makes you a good fit for BU, it is senseless to present the information in your essay. If you can't expand on an explanation, it is best not to include it in the essay. You don't want to leave the reviewer wondering about what you mean by mentioning Chinese as fitting into the program because you left the topic sentence hanging.

Overall, the essay content that you have really is a good fit for the prompt. The only possible problem content that I can see so far, are those that I mentioned above. While I think you should totally skip the diverse experience reference, you can adjust the other parts of the essay (you make the choice) so that you can better explain the Chinese language reference that you made. It's a pretty strong draft and you should be proud of what you have written so far.