This is my Common App essay that I am planning on submitting to Dartmouth, Northwestern, and Penn State. Other than being unsure of whether I should even use this subject matter, I am concerned it may have a cheesy introduction and that I may be going in too many directions with my content. It is also about 70 words too long. "Concise" is not included in the Scout Law. Help me out!
"A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent." Beginning in the early stages of adolescence, the Boy Scout Law has been engrained in my subconscious. The painstaking process of learning the Scout laws and oaths was certainly an ordeal. The progression became harder still as the number of schoolmates I had remaining in Cub Scouts met a sharp decline as our class graduated to Boy Scouts. Rather than go through the process of visiting and choosing a Boy Scout Troop, the majority of my friends elected to pursue activities more applicable to middle school such as football or clarinet.
This left me entering Boy Scouts with many kids that I knew, but few whose company I actually enjoyed. I decided against joining the Scouting machine that was Troop 217 and joined the smaller, lesser-known Troop 183. Our Scoutmasters found ways to keep young scouts engaged; often through methods frowned upon by the authoritarian leaders of Troop 217. With a strong belief in a scout-run Troop, our scoutmasters allowed us certain freedoms that other troops did not. While on some occasions this resulted in angry visits from the summer camp director, perhaps concerning a pavilion filled with canoes or the waterfront littered with picnic tables, on many more occasions it resulted in great learning opportunities and troop bonding. As an Eagle Scout, I can honestly say I feel more like a big brother to the upcoming Tenderfoots rather than an authority figure.
Despite all of these wonderful Scouting experiences, I still felt as though they occurred in a separate world, never translating to real life. The only time I ever was called upon to use my Scouting skills among my school friends was when a fire was in need of being lit. Only recently have I seen the correlation between scouting ideals and my social life. It is easiest to remember to be "helpful", "friendly", "courteous", and "kind." Mothers are constantly trying to instill these qualities in their children, Boy Scout or not. But it took longer for me to develop as a "trustworthy", "loyal", and "obedient" individual. These are the few that I have recently vowed to apply to my life and my reputation. And now I have discovered that the hardest of these ideals to embody are "bravery" and "reverence." Neither of which I believe a person will ever be finished pursuing.
A scoutmaster's conference is held every time a Scout earns a new rank. It is a small part of earning a new rank to which I had never paid much attention. Now, as I prepare for my conference after earning the rank of Eagle, I realize that I have not been utilizing these conferences to the fullest. As I reflect on my experiences from my current point of view, I can see that my scouting skills and lessons no longer dwell in a realm of their own. Now that I have honed and refined them, I can finally introduce them into my everyday life. I believe George Costanza put it best when he so delicately exclaimed, "Worlds are colliding, Jerry!"
The road to becoming an Eagle Scout was certainly a long one, and often times a meticulous and tedious one. However, it has taught me irreplaceable principles that I now can use and carry with me for the rest of my life.
Your essay gave me a clear picture of the Boy Scouts of America and their vision, mission and overall purpose. Clearly, Boy Scouts is a topic you chose because it has personal meaning for you. What greater topic is there in which to write, than a topic that holds true to your own personal interests and values?
Your use of language is a bit more relaxed than I would expect for an admittance essay. What message are you hoping to convey to the universities?
Grammar, spelling and sentence structure are all critical components to consider, as well. For example, "Neither of which I believe a person will ever be finished pursuing" is not a complete sentence.
I think you have a good foundation, however I am not quite sure what you are trying to tell me, as a reader. Perhaps go through each section and see if you can pick out themes and separate those into paragraphs. Then compare and contrast them to your message and fill in the gaps or delete where necessary.
The document should be descriptive, concise and have a nice flow from one paragraph to the next (e.g., Introduction, Body, Conclusion).
I hope that helps. Best regards!
