This is one of my rough drafts for my SPF. Throughout the next 11 days, I will continue making different drafts in order to find a perfect version.
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
One could say my passion for engineering is "in my genes". I come from a family where every male is an engineer, so it appears that I was destined to choose this career path. However, what makes me unique is that I am the first female in my family to pursue engineering. I believe engineering is a powerful field. Unfortunately, it is also still a field that is dominated by men and, admittedly, I volleyed back and forth between pursing engineering or political science. I was daunted by the challenge, intimidated of taking the risk of entering a field where few women prevail. Unwavering encouragement from my parents and an inspiring video fortified my confidence and calmed my fears. The video is titled "Revolutionizing Female Empowerment" which featured a speech done by Natalie Panek, an Aerospace Engineer. She spoke about the lack of women pushing the limits of the "glass ceiling" and how the only way we can break it is by promoting female involvement. I have always had a determined spirit, an inquisitive mind and a fervent goal to break the glass ceiling associated with women in such fields like engineering. In order to see a positive change, we must lead by a positive example. University of Toronto definitely leads by example. It not only has a world-class reputation amongst universities, but also because has a long history of encouraging and providing opportunities for women in all areas of study especially engineering (via pre-university programs such as Engineering Saturdays for Girls). Programs like these are intended to motivate girls to explore engineering and to show the University's commitment towards empowering women and this has had the deepest impact on me as it proves that women are regarded equally in this field. Through a University of Toronto education, I will know that my experience and efforts will be valued as well as knowing that I will become a part of the movement of female engineers making a difference in the world. | During my high school years, I was very involved in school activities: sports, clubs and fundraising committees. To me, it was the best way to challenge myself and gain experience in a variety of areas. One of the most valuable skills I learned was the importance of priorities and planning. Throughout university, and especially in a rigorous field like engineering, managing my time effectively is critical to my success. High school was the preliminary stage; university builds on the skills I acquired in the past four years. University I know will present new opportunities and challenges and open my mind to a bounty of possibilities. The stress will be vastly different and more intense than high school but I know that maintaining a healthy balance of academics and continuing to be as involved as I was in high school will serve me well for my life beyond university.
I am no where near finished my essay. However, this is what I want to base it on.
I believe engineering is a powerful field.
I dont think this flows in the context of the surrounding sentences
I was not crazy about your intro to the video.. maybe you can say like your parent's encouragement and research has fortified confidence... One source that ressonted with me was...
I have always had a determined spirit, an inquisitive mind and a fervent goal to break the glass ceiling associated with women in such fields like engineering.
I dont know...it just does not ring. That has not always been you goal, to break the ceiling...maybe the video galvanized you to see the ceiling as a challenge and installed excitement to break through it rather than being intimidated by it
It not only has a world-class reputation amongst universities, but also because has a long history of encouraging and providing opportunities for women in all areas of study especially engineering (via pre-university programs such as Engineering Saturdays for Girls).
I think you can leave world class out since its not relevant, they already know its great. this will allow you to focus on their opportunities for women. no parenthesis since the program is important, its an example
Programs like these are intended to motivate girls to explore engineering and to show the University's commitment towards empowering women and this has had the deepest impact on me as it proves that women are regarded equally in this field.
its a mouthful. too much info in one sent. also the uni is taking steps to make women be regarded equally, you might want to change that sentence.
So I will like to know why Uni of Toronto. what attracted you to the school? out of the many schools, why do you want to study there?
good luck
appreciate your feedback! I agree with you. I just created this draft as a "lay out of ideas" so I could pick and choose want really was important to me later on.
Will post my new draft once I am done
Thanks again!
You have nicely presented this... It speaks well about your character, background and will. However, other than the Nalalie Panke's video and your family background, you do not talk about your interests in engineering. I mean a particular field of engineering which you found very interesting. I think you better touch on that because it is important to show that you have a special liking in this major.
