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"there was a car accident" - UNCW application essay, very emotional event



kcurran 1 / 1  
Feb 23, 2011   #1
Any help would be great..thank you!

Reflecting on your personal and educational goals, please write about how you believe UNC Wilmington will allow you to grow as a student and as a person. 300-500 words.

When I reflect on my personal and educational goals, I think of the sequence of events which occurred in my personal life that have lead to these aspirations.

On my way to work in July 2004, I witnessed a car accident. As I had done in the past, I stopped to help, expecting to simply help someone make phone calls, or calm them down until help arrived. However, this time things would be different and the experience would be life changing.

Emergency personnel had not yet arrived. As I approached one of the vehicles, I saw a man in the driver's seat, slumped over. As I looked over to the passenger seat, I saw a young girl, no more than 5 years old, curled up on the front seat. When the ambulance finally arrived, the paramedics were overwhelmed, as there were many passengers in the second vehicle that needed help. One of the paramedics asked if I would stay and help. I held a large gauze pad to the back of the girl's head and helped strap her to a board. I talked to her the whole time, telling her what a brave little girl she was. After the incident, I finally made it to work. However, I was emotionally exhausted. Yet, after talking to family and friends, I realized this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a paramedic.

Then, in October 2004, I was involved in a motorcycle accident. I only remember small pieces of what happened, such as hearing the helicopter and people talk in the emergency room. I had been hit head-on by someone crossing over to my side of the road. I had many injuries, including my neck being broken in 3 places, and my jaw crushed and wired. When I was able to come home, I had to use a walker, even to move the ten feet to my bathroom. At that point, I thought my goal of becoming a paramedic was gone.

By May of 2005, I was walking and recovering well. I had enough strength to attend classes at night to obtain my EMT-Basic Certification. I was uncertain of my recovery. However, with therapy and time, I became stronger. Although I was also an active-duty Marine, I was able to obtain EMT-Basic Certification in October of 2005, only one year from my accident. I continued with night classes after work, and achieved my goal of becoming a paramedic in February of 2008.

My present goal is to become a Physician Assistant. Attending UNC Wilmington to obtain a degree in Biology will be the catalyst in allowing me to grow as a student and as a person. UNC Wilmington will be the cornerstone in continuing my education to become a Physician Assistant, and to continue to make a difference in people's lives. UNC Wilmington will be part of that difference I will be able to make.

kelandpat - / 9  
Feb 24, 2011   #2
You could probably take out everything from 'after the incident' through '...family and friends' and just make it a bolder statement.
Also the last paragraph has a little repetition.
Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 3, 2011   #3
...stopped to help, expecting to simply help someone make phone calls or calm someone them down until help arrived.

Wow, excellent... you have been through some experiences, haven't you. I think the reader will definitely know you are serious and that you have perspective.

I guess my advice is like this: Take out some story, and add some references to theory -- to recent research, books, changes... anything to show that you are already reading what health professionals read and selecting your areas of specialization. Show what you have been reading. :-)

This is already very good, though.


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