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"Catia - My role model" - Opinion... Admission Essay



apramone 3 / 5  
Nov 22, 2008   #1
Please give your opinion about my essay, Thank you so much.
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you:

Catia - My role model

In our lives, some people make an impact. People constantly influence each other in a good or bad way, and those influences affect their lives. Likewise, our actions and words also influence the people with whom we interact. Some will, however, exercise greater influence than others. A person who has had a profound influence in my life is my older sister Catia.

Catia is ten years older than me, and she is my inspiration. She is a trained pedagogue, owns a kindergarten school where she teaches, and she is also a first grade teacher in a public school. I was seven years old when she opened her kindergarten school and I enjoyed spending my free time there, playing with other children. Looking back I now realize I indirectly did part of my growing up at her school as a student, and as a family member I could also appreciate her progress in improving her school and her own education as well.

As I was growing up I was able to observe her and learn the process of educating, and by the time I was 14 years old I was working as her assistant teacher in the pre k room. I had an interest in teaching small children and I really liked both the comfort of having my older sister as teacher, and the opportunity to learn with her as a professional. My sister taught me the methods of the alphabetization process and she made me realize I possessed a vocation for teaching, which was blossoming in me.

My sister is a dedicated teacher, she loves what she does best: to educate children. Working with her I was able to learn a great deal about how to educate, both empirically and theoretically. Catia introduced me to influential pedagogues, Jean Piaget and Emilia Ferreiro among others, who had an enormous impact in the field of education. Through our daily work she showed me how children develop and learn. By the time I was 16 years old I knew I would follow her profession.

I did not have an opportunity to go to college. I grew up in Brazil, and there is no university in my hometown, but it was impossible for me to attend a university at a nearby city like is customary and as Catia did due to my family's economic situation. After I graduated from high school I had to work full time. But through the years, my vocation in life became more and more evident: everybody in my family and all the parents at the school realized I had a great capacity to teach. I believe it was my sister's mentoring and encouragement what opened this door for me and for my personal success.

Not only did Catia teach me about education and pedagogy, she also taught me the practical aspects of managing a school. She taught me how to effectively communicate with parents, and different ways to work collaboratively and creatively with them. I always participated in parent meetings and gradually I noticed I was being more confident in assuming major responsibilities. During her pregnancy, I was in charge of the school. For one full year I worked as substitute director, if not as director, while she took her maternity leave. I had to take care of all administrative duties, calendar responsibilities, schedule meetings, and plan lessons. That experience enhanced my teaching knowledge.

Four years ago, when I married and moved to the United States, I was worried about finding a job. I remember never feeling ready to schedule an interview. On the one hand I felt less confident because I did not have a college degree, and I had never worked with anybody other than my sister at her school. On the other hand, I was confident about my knowledge and my experience in teaching children. So I scheduled my first interview at Saint Luke Infant Day Care Center, and it went very well. I received training for one week and afterward I began working in the infant room as assistant teacher. After five months of having started, the lead teacher in the classroom decided to leave his position to return to college, and I was invited to become the associate teacher. I was very proud of myself for having done only one interview, and for advancing my position in only a few months. I mostly have Catia and her experience to thank.

I am very happy to be a teacher and take pride in what I do. I love to educate, working with children is my passion. My sister taught me that educating represents infinite knowledge, and it is priceless. Educating is infinite because those who educate not only teach, but also learn, permanently. I am certain that I do not always know the answer, and that there will always be more to learn. Educating is priceless because it is enormously gratifying to see the results of helping to build a child's knowledge.

As the saying goes, "If you wish to make an impact for one year, plant corn; if you wish to make an impact for a generation, plant a tree; if you wish to make an impact for an eternity, educate a child." Teachers are role models for the children who are learning with them, I believe I can make a positive impact on somebody else's life as my sister made in my life. I am pleased to have a sister like her, and I will be forever grateful for all she has done for me.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 23, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

First, make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. As such, "Pedagogue" and "Public School" shouldn't be capitalized. There are other instances of this throughout your piece, so make sure you catch them all.

"I had to take care of all administrative duties, calendar, schedule meetings, lesson planning, etc. ????" Should be, "I had to take care of all administrative duties, calendar responsibilities, schedule meetings, and plan lessons."

"...on newspapers..." should be "...in newspapers..."

"I did not feel confident enough because I do not have a college degree, and I had never..." make sure you are staying in the same tense throughout your piece. This should be "I did not feel confident enough because I did not have a college degree, and I had never..."

"...and model she gave me." should be "...and modeling she gave me."

A great piece. You are very organized and provide good examples. Your introduction is very intriguing and your conclusion ties the piece up nicely. Your transitions between paragraphs move along well, making the piece easy to read. With a little more polishing, I think you'll be ready for submission!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP apramone 3 / 5  
Nov 23, 2008   #3
Thank you so much Gloria, it was such a great help :) Have a great Sunday and Happy Thanksgiving!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 9, 2008   #4
In our lives, some people make significant impacts. People constantly influence each other in good or bad ways , and those influences affect their lives.

As I was growing up I was able to observe her and learn the process of educating, and by the time I was fourteen years old I was working as her assistant teacher in the pre-kindergarten room.

Wow, great essay. You will indeed make an impact for eternity...
OP apramone 3 / 5  
Dec 9, 2008   #5
Thanks again Kevin! It was a great help!
trinilissabee - / 7  
Dec 9, 2008   #6
i think you should make the first few sentences more interesting; say something that will grab the readers attention...however good essay! ^_^


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