Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects - Essay for Stanford

Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects, from pageant contest to semi-military clubs, I can't live without challenge. I doubt anyone else could, as we were grown up by challenges since we were born. Just for example, everyone challenges themselves to walk and take the risk of falling when they were babies. Indubitably, challenge advance people to their next level.

Many people stop challenging themselves as they grow up and find their comfort zone. They settle down, play safe, and risk nothing. But for me, what a monotonous life is that! I see no point in life without challenge, as challenge give purpose to life. Challenge also create thrill in the process and satisfaction in the end, which keep life interesting.

I've been through three years of bullying, wrong arrest, student delinquencies, and some other troubles in junior high school. Those were unintentional at first, I felt them hard to get through. However, when everything became 'normal', I found myself trapped in monotony; I no longer had purpose to live. My troubles had unexpectedly given me challenge that drove my life day by day.

Now, I may be a role-model student; I rank first in my class and won many competitions. But deep inside, I'm still the same person as I was in junior high; I live with the thrill. I take risks and push my fears; I challenge myself. Only I have objectives instead of troubles as challenge.

Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects [...]

Many people stop challenging themselves as they grow up [...]

- Melati, you can actually combine these two paragraphs into one to create a more solid and interesting introduction. By the way, you need to revise the sentence that starts with "But for me" because English grammar rules dictate that no sentence can ever start with the word "But".

I've been through three years of bullying, wrong arrest, student [...]

Now, I may be a role-model student; I rank first in my class and won [...]

- Again, this can be combined. You actually have a very short and concise essay so you need to create a strong closing statement for it. I would like to point out though, that you do not want the admissions officer to read about your wrong arrests and delinquencies. That is not an image of a good student and will definitely affect your application in a negative way. Instead, talk about the challenges that you have undertaken and how you overcame them. Show strength instead of delinquency.

If you apply the suggestions I have made, we can look into further polishing the essay content and grammar wise. This is a draft, you will need to write at least 2 more versions before this will become ready for submission :-) So be patient, we will work with you for as long as it takes to prepare your essay.

I think it is a good essay. I just think it would be better to avoid contractions in formal writing.

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Revision phase I :

Challenge. From jaw-breaking rides to ambitious projects, from pageant contest to semi-military clubs, I can't live without challenge. I doubt anyone else could, as we were grown up by challenges since we were born. Just for example, everyone challenges themselves to walk and take the risk of falling when they were babies. Indubitably, challenge advance people to their next level. Many people stop challenging themselves as they grow up and find their comfort zone. They settle down, play safe, and risk nothing. However, for me, such way of life is too monotonous! I see no point in life without challenge, as challenge give purpose to life. Challenge also create thrill in the process and satisfaction in the end, which keep life interesting.

I've been through three years of bullying, sinusitis, childish friendship problems, and some other troubles in junior high school. At first, I felt them hard to get through. As I grew up and become more matured, everything became fine, but I found myself trapped in monotony; I no longer had purpose to live. My troubles had unexpectedly given me challenge that drove my life day by day. Now, I may be a role-model student; I rank first in my class and won many competitions. But deep inside, I'm still the same person as I was in junior high; I live with the thrill. I take risks and push my fears; I challenge myself. Only I have objectives instead of troubles as challenge.

(I don't know how to make a contrast for my 'now being role-model student' if I delete all my bad parts in junior high school. Actually, if I am honest to myself, these troubles made me who I am today who like to challenge myself. Maybe you have better idea to make this fact look nicer)