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UC Prompt #2: Change of Character



219030ok 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2009   #1
Hello guys, please help me revise this prompt if you have time. I think my wording is too simple, but it should make the point get across. Please help me in any way possible, thank you in advance! The fourth paragraph has yet to be completed because I would like some input on the current structure and overall story. Please provide as much constructive criticism as possible.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *

Having often led a life of solitude, the ability to differentiate what was right or wrong was often neglected. My self-centeredness and arrogance had warped me into the egocentric person I was, one who valued the short bursts of joy when I shot down someone else's self-esteem. Indeed, I did associate myself with a class of people, one of which did nothing more than criticize the most haphazard things; a student's studying habits this and another's beliefs that. I was lulled into a false sense of happiness merely because I felt accepted. Perhaps, it was human nature, or even insecurity, but whatever it was, it was only artificial. It took the final moments of high school for my conscious to finally kick in and understand the magnitude of the damage that I had done.

My most memorable moment took place around the last few weeks of my junior term in high school. It all began when the second midterm was announced for my Chemistry class. Having had some difficulty understanding the subject matter, I needed assistance from my peers because studying alone would have been tantamount to cramming the material. The only person that would have been able to help me was a tomboyish girl from my high school (since it was a community college course). I was able to temporarily swallow my pride for the sake of my grade, but what was more troubling was that this girl happened to be the subject of countless insults, most of which came from me. I hesitantly approached her and to my surprise, she was willing to help.

Initially, we were off to a rocky start because I was still holding back. Coincidentally, the same person I previously harassed happened to be the individual that shared a variety of my personal interests and hobbies, including electronics and gaming. I gradually changed my erroneous ways and was able to experience true exuberance, free from hypocrisy and insincerity. Eventually, it escalated to the point where we began discussing ethics. She questioned why I made fun of her. Was it merely because she was different? Honestly, I thought back and did not understand why I did the things I had done. Possibly, it was because I was such a prejudging person that I allowed my pride to cloud my judgment.

I am proud of this unique revelation because it has given me the opportunity to change my personality for the better, something not many people can easily do. This experience has taught me that judging through introspection ultimately leads to one's folly. I realize that my hubris was my undoing because it fundamentally prevented me from being true to myself. Life itself has many lessons and this was certainly one of them.

FireTiger 8 / 47  
Nov 27, 2009   #2
that I allowed my pride to cloud my judgment.

Is there any way you could develop the "what i gained from this experience" more? You spent about two sentences (last 2) doing so; maybe say something about how its changed you and how youre more open and honest. you said it but maybe you could expand on it?

otherwise a solid essay
OP 219030ok 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2009   #3
I made a significant edit, I would still like some constructive criticism and feedback from peers though. I can't edit my prior post, so sorry if this is seemingly double-posting. Thank you!


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