'Changing your road towards success' - Never Give Up essay

The expression "Never, never give up"means to keep trying and never stop working for your goals.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Undoubtedly,persistence is one of the most significant factors contributing to success,but I have to say that it will never become useful if you fix it as your general principle,because when encountering different situations and challenges,we need to adequately make some changes in our plans so as to reach a desired goal. So in this topic,I definitely believe that it is necessary to become flexible in many situations instead of being unchanged.I'll defend my position in the next paragraphs.

First,I think "never give up" will sometimes become an embodiment of being stubborn and unwise,for example,many years ago,people always believe that the earth is the center of the universe simply as we are created by God,and it is reasonable for God to put the earth at the center because he loves us,but later with the show up of the truth,most people just easily choose to ignore it and even mocked at it,however, gradually,it is accepted around the world.Obviously the change is triggered by facts,people have to conform to facts instead of plugging their ears in case of hearing truths.

Second,It is inaccurate to regard temporarily stop working toward some specific goals is the representative of giving up,in this day and age,things just changed so quickly,we have the necessities to flexibly change ourselves too.Take myself for example,because of the urgence of reaching a destination, I force myself to finish 3 essays a day,but the result indicates that the method haven't gave me any touchable improvements,I just like a robot to do something according to some fixed codes,but later I changed my plan,I put all my attention to carefully perceive the structure of readings and the syntaxes of my working regardless how many essays I have done in a day,things magically becomes better.

In conclusion,it is not a fixed rule for people to do things conforming to some certain principles,usually it is really important to make changes in our road toward success.

I enjoyed reading your essay,though found one or two hiccups.

1. "It is inaccurate to regard temporally stop working towards.." I don't know what you were trying to say here,but I might just be reading it wrong.

2. "Just CHANGED so.." Aren't you jumping tenses,because earlier you say "in THIS day.." So perhaps that CHANGED should be change,in order to keep in with the present tense.

3. I think you need to make use of linking words to show a structured and matured development of thoughts. Eg "thus,we have the neccesities.."

By the way,I think 'necessities' should be 'necessity' (error of concord)

4. "Take myself for example" , "in this day and age" do avoid cliches,you don't want to sound like every other applicant or some random guy on the radio.

5. Again linking word Eg.: However, I later changed my strategy"
"But later I changed" swop around the 'later' and the 'I'

6. "Things magically becomes better" try became or become.

7. "In our road" should be "on" (I'm not too sure on this one)

8. You discuss the topic very well,but vaguely associate it with your life experiences. Capitalize more on this as you want to show that you are someone who has overcome a few challenges where a thin line was between giving up and not giving up. Also work on your vocabulary in a way that best articulates your true voice.

Either than the above mentioned I do think that it is a pleasant piece and with a few changes,it will be excellent

Ps: do get a second opinion,I might just as well be wrong about the things I said.

Please read my essay and give me any feedback. Thanks!

Here are some grammatical errors that should be changed.
Urgence in the 4th line of second paragraph needs to be changed to urgency.
In the last paragraph change the comma after principles to a semi-colon .
In the last sentence of the 1st paragraph the comma after fact should be a semi-colon.
However you did a very good job.

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