For an entire semester of my AP Psychology course, I have seen my teacher in person. I have never met my classmates. I have never held my textbook in my hands. However, despite all of these seemingly non-engaging aspects, I am more engaged in this class than I have ever been in a "real" course. How is this possible, one might ask. I have asked myself the same question many times throughout this course. I was weary, at first, of the thought of an online class. I would be attending a new "school" alongside my real school. I would have classes with people from all over the nation. I would have to contact my teacher solely through Skype or email. How could I possibly become intellectually engaged? However, from the moment I decided to push myself by signing up for this online course, I have found myself extremely engaged. This course has led me to change my idea of intellectual engagement. I was, figuratively, surrounded by students who truly wanted to learn about psychology. They were there by choice, not because they had to fill a slot in their course plan. It is one thing to be surrounded by people struggling to keep up with the workload that they have to maintain. It is a completely different feeling to be surrounded by people who want to be intellectually engaged. I have found that intellectual engagement must be fueled by interest and passion. At Bowdoin, not only are there a variety of opportunities to learn, but there is a desire amongst the students to take up these opportunities. This level of intellectual engagement is unparalleled by most colleges. I find myself, yet again, seeking the opportunity to learn beyond what is imaginable.
This is 290 words of the 250 word limit. I know the ending is bad and unfinished, any suggestions? Do I need to talk more about Bowdoin?
Hi, thanks for helping me with my essay for UW Madison.
You have a very interesting and unique story. It shows you are matured and interested. I love it!
But one thing I'd suggest is to mention why you find Bowdoin's students full of desire for intellectual engagement. "Bowdoin" can be replced with the names of some other colleges in your essay now. If you've contacted any almuni or current students, or visited the campus, mention the experience then. Even if you haven't had such opportunities, you should show the reason.
Good luck:)
Overall, your essay is very good.
The only suggestion I have is to reword the sentence, "At Bowdoin, not only are there a variety of opportunities to learn, but there is a desire amongst the students to take up these opportunities."
You used the word but, which on its own suggests a change from good to bad or from bad to good. You have two good characteristics of the university.
So instead, I would use one of the following sentences.
At Bowdoin, not only are there a variety of opportunities to learn, there is a desire amongst the students to take up these opportunities.
At Bowdoin, not only are there a variety of opportunities to learn but there is also a desire amongst the students to take up these opportunities.
Other than that, your essay is great.
Hope I helped.
Good luck!
I get a little jumbled in the middle, but I can't seem to find what's so odd about it. I'll throughly edit yours if you glance at mine!
Having completed a semester of my AP Psychology course, I have still never met my teacher in person. I have never seen my classmates. I have never held my textbook in my hands.
However, despite all of these seemingly non-engaging aspects, I have become more involved in my own education than ever before.
I was weary, at first, of the thought enrolling in an online class. I would be attending a new "school" alongside my real school. I would have classes with people from all over the nation. I could only talk to my teacher through Skype or email. However, from the moment I decided to push myself by signing up for this online course, I have experienced an unprecedented style of learning that led me to change my idea of intellectual engagement. I was immersed in a world of true fascination. The students who surrounded me chose to be there. The difference between this online course and a "real" course was almost tangible. The difference was not in the obviously different online world in which we learned. Rather, the difference was found in the interest and passion that fueled this class. At Bowdoin, not only are there a variety of opportunities to learn, but there is also a strong desire amongst the students to take up these opportunities. From the alumni I have visited with, it is clear to me that Bowdoin students have a passion not only for their school but also what they learned during their years at Bowdoin. This level of intellectual engagement is unparalleled by most colleges. I find myself, yet again, seeking the opportunity to learn beyond what is imaginable and hope to achieve this at Bowdoin.
I changed a few things, but I'm still at 283 words out of 250 words.
Excellent essay! If anything, you can probably shorten your opening line to something like
Having completed a semester of my AP Psychology course, I have still never met my teacher in person, seen my classmates or held any textbook in my hands.
It's excellent, and doesn't really fall short in the understanding department. Just one thing,
"school,", the comma feels misplaced. Or am I wrong here?
I think your final draft is quite good and brings the real you and your own thought yet, I would rather go for "at Bowdoin" instead of "with Bowdoin"