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Claremont McKenna "Leaders in the Making" Warren Buffet-Feedback



helpmego2CMC 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
I need all help that I can get writing this paper. I will NOT be offended, so say whatever you want/need to say. All criticism will be appreciated! Thank you so much!

Personally, I believe a leader is someone who thinks and acts against conventionality in order to ensure the wellbeing of the people who depend on him or her. Many say that leadership is an attribute that cannot be taught or learned: leaders are born with the personality and talent that makes others want to emulate them. Others believe that we all have the ability to attain leadership skills, and that it is every individual's responsibility to use these talents when called upon to contribute to society. Warren Buffett, one of the most successful business executives this world has ever known, once said, "Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago." As one of the most successful business moguls of all time, Buffett has planted more than his share of trees. Warren Buffett is recognized not only for his achievements in the business community, but also for his grand contributions to our society as well.

Economically, Warren Buffett can be held accountable for the success of thousands of small businesses across the United States. In combined effort with Goldman Sachs earlier this year, Buffett was involved in the investment of roughly $500 million in scholarships dedicated to furthering the education of small business owners. This commitment to assure the success of the common man clearly demonstrates Warren Buffett's dedication to the community.

Along with his monetary contributions, Warren Buffett has also advanced our society in a political sense. As an advisor to the Board of Directors of the Nuclear Threat Initiative, Buffett has pledged nearly $50 million in a coalition against the use of nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons. Alongside other influential leaders in the science and business community, Buffett has been involved in the disposal of great amounts of nuclear materials. In addition to his work with the NTI, Buffett is arguably the most philanthropic person in history. In June of 2006, Buffett donated approximately $30 billion worth of Berkshire Hathaway Class B shares to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. This donation was the largest in history, assuring his lifelong commitment to help the less fortunate.

As a society, we recognize Warren Buffet for his economic success, and also for the many philanthropic contributions to the community. As an industrialist, Buffett has always been a key figure in the humanitarian community. It is people like Buffett who use their multi faceted abilities to benefit society that inspire me to become a "leader in the making" at Claremont McKenna College.

Once again, ANY AND ALL help would greatly appreciated. I procrastinated (big mistake), and now have only a few days before this is due.

Thank you so much in advance!

TC3 4 / 36  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
first, thank you so much for reading my essay!

wellbeing --> well-being

multi-faceted

is there no hyphens here?

i think this is a pretty well-written nathan! sometimes i feel though that you jump fromexample toexample too hastily tho. maybe focuson one specific example on warren buffet? then again, i dont know the prompt.

also your essay seems like just a bunch of facts found on the internet about buffet.maybe be more analytical and compare him tourself?

sorry i didnt want to try to correct any grammar since i know mine is horrible!
OP helpmego2CMC 1 / 2  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
Thanks for the help. The promt is:
Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. In fact, one of the ways we describe CMC students is "Leaders in the Making." Identify and discuss a person, fictional or nonfictional, who has helped shape culture and thought. You may select someone from any field: literature, the arts, science, politics, history, athletics, business, education, etc.

Knowing this, do you maybe have any final input?

Thanks!
TC3 4 / 36  
Dec 30, 2009   #4
hmm then in that case i think u should talk more about how warren buffet shape your culture and thought. because you are talking a lot about warren buffet and what he does and not relating him back to yourself and how that makes you leaderlike if you get what i mean
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Jan 8, 2010   #5
Personally, I believe a leader is someone who thinks and acts against conventionality in order to ensure the wellbeing of the people who depend on him or her

What about times when conventional methods are appropriate?

I'm sorry, I think my comment here is coming after the deadline passed! I wanted to recommend to you, though, that you might like "understanding leadership" by prentice and daniel goleman's "what makes a leader?" You might enjoy those in light of your discussion here, and they might be good sources to cite in college.

:-)


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