Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 6

"My climb may be far from over but I fully intend to complete it!"; COMMON APP

ginny2345 12 / 22  
Dec 21, 2009   #1
MY Climb
"Miley Cyrus has a new song!" my friend, penny, shouted happily into the phone. Curse her! I thought to myself as I listened to penny raving about Miley's new song. I had just been woken up from a very peaceful nap by my over-excited friend just to hear about Miley's new song. Every single time Miley has a new song, my life seemed like it was going to end. This is because penny never stops talking about it or singing it. Penny and I are two totally different people. While I have no interest in music whatsoever, penny is crazy about all sorts of music, especially Miley Cyrus's. Sometimes I even wonder how we could be best friends if we are such different people.

"I'm coming over right now! We're going to her concert this evening", said penny. Although I desperately wanted to disagree with her, I realized that it would be futile because "what penny wants, penny gets", so I quietly said yes and obediently waited for her to pick me up. When we got inside the concert, we took our sits and waited for the show to begin. Penny had told me earlier that Miley was performing her new song first but I couldn't care less!

[Concert begins]
Miley sings:
"I can almost see it that dream I'm dreaming...but there's a voice inside my head saying, "you'll never reach it"...but I have to keep trying... got to keep my head held high..."

I practically froze in my sit. This song was actually nice! I felt like Miley was reaching out to me. This song called "the climb" communicated to me, like no other. I am pretty sure that anyone who saw me at that moment thought that I was in a trance.

The song, which talked about the obstacles one has to face during the course of their lives appealed to my own life. Living in the most populous African country in the world, I grew up amidst poverty. Although I was fortunate enough to be born into a family that had the means to take care of me, I watched other people live in squalor. I had always promised myself that I was going to try to make things better for my country in any way that I can. I thought that the first step toward achieving this was performing exceptionally in school. I have always been at the top of my class since primary school and I have received certificates of distinction throughout my years in secondary school.

At first, I was proud of the fact that I contributed so much intellectually and that I inspired my peers positively but it began to get very hard for me to live normally. People always watched my every move. They always expected me to get perfect scores in everything. They always remarked that someone like me could be just what the country needs. This may have sounded like "honey" to a lame man's ears but it made me feel like I was in hell. I could no longer live like an ordinary teenager. Whenever I failed to do something right or win any competition everyone in my school talked about it for days. "What happened to her...is she losing her talent?" they would say, not caring how I felt. After sometime, I began to hide away from everyone. I avoided going out as much as possible and practically withdrew into a hard shell. I dreaded participating in any kind of activity whatsoever.

That night, hearing this song made me snap out of my misery. It made me realize that my life is a mountain which I must climb. What was happening to me was just one of many obstacles I was going to face. This song reinforced my hope and determination in everything I believed in. "I had just begun my climb", I thought to myself. Right there, I made a promise to myself never to give up on my dreams no matter what obstacles I faced. I had to get to the top of my mountain. I had to see the beautiful scenery that awaited me. Just then, I heard my name being called from a distance and I realized that penny was staring at me worriedly. "Are you alright?" she asked. I muttered an answer and reassured her that "all was well".

For the first time in the past few months, I actually believed, that all was going to be well with my life...
"College is here!" I thought to myself a year later. I intend to study in America which is not so common for most people in Nigeria. However, I am determined to achieve my dream of college.

My climb may be far from over but I fully intend to complete it!
my first draft of the essay.. any kind of correction would be appreciated...comments on my approach would also help! thanks
luvhunta 3 / 7  
Dec 21, 2009   #2
great essay,love the concept and it really tells me who you are.though it would be nice if you talked a little about your other extra curricular activities.the essay tells me you are good student which your transcript already says.

Sometimes I even wonder how we could be best friends if we are such different people. i think the even is not needed.
vnsoct 1 / 2  
Dec 21, 2009   #3
The concept is great. I like it. But I think you focused on the problem more than to the resolution. For me, it would be better if you could express on how you solve the problem more :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 23, 2009   #4
Capitalize Penny's name.
I don't think it presents you in a positive light when you say you have no interest in music whatsoever. That's like saying you have no interest in art!

Hmmm... Maybe you wrote too much about Penny in that first paragraph. I think you could condense that whole first paragraph into a single sentence, so that it does not take up so much of your essay. The first paragraph is a little boring compared with the rest of it. It is not necessary, for example, to use Penny's name. It makes it seem like this essay is going to be about her.

When you write, tell the reader about your main idea at the beginning, then explain it, then tell the reader about your idea again at the end.

Every single time Miley had a new song, my life seemed like it was going to end.

However, I am determined to achieve my dream. of college.
z4evafoolz 7 / 31  
Dec 23, 2009   #5
can anyone tell me if common application essays are meant to be this long...?

I completed mine and sent it off to all universities, and it was about 450 words long. It did say (minimum 250 words) so i thought it had to be around 250-500...?
OP ginny2345 12 / 22  
Dec 23, 2009   #6
the common app essay can be as long as you want...at least i think so
and thanks everyone..you guys have helped alot!

Home / Undergraduate / "My climb may be far from over but I fully intend to complete it!"; COMMON APP
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳