So ive been writing my college essay but I want opinions! it's not complete towards the end. any revisions or suggestions are appreciated! thank you :)
Assignment: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you and describe that influence.
"No Way, You guys are twins? You look nothing alike! You're lying!"
This is the reaction I usually get when someone learns that me and my sister are twins. Many don't believe were even related because me and my twin sister Samantha are fraternal. But even though we don't share the same face or any telepathic abilities (although we often think along the same lines) we share a bond like no other. Growing up with a twin, especially one thats the same gender, is like having a built-in best friend for life. Samantha is a huge part of my life and her influence on me growing up has shaped me into the person I am today in a way no one else could have.
Sam and I are more different than anything else. My mom always says we're "like night and day". We're both petite, but thats as far as our physical similarities go. Not only do we look nothing like each other, our personalities are completely different too. Sam's the tough one, she's firm in her beliefs, she's loud and she won't take nonsense from anyone. As for me, I've always considered myself the softie, i don't like yelling, and I can be a bit of a pushover at times. Our differences balance us out, Sam helps me stand up for myself when I should be more assertive and I help her calm down when she gets too worked up.
Sam's always been more mature even though I'm the older one. She always seemed to be one step ahead of me, teething first, walking first, going through puberty first, she even had a boyfriend before me. So whenever I had a problem, I knew I could turn to her for help. Her advice influenced many of my decisions like my style and who I should or shouldn't be friends with.
Sam's influence hasn't always been a positive one. Over the years she's definitely caused me to do quite a few things I shouldn't have. For example, she gave me my first cigarette, thankfully it never became a habit that stuck. She also convinced me to sneak out with her at 2am and on another occasion, use our mother's car without her permission. (I feel like I need more here? what do you think?)
So while some people wonder what it's like to be a twin. I wonder what it would be like to be without one. I can't imagine life without Sam. Her presence in my life has helped mold me into the person I am today. Without her, I just wouldn't be me. ( do i need a longer conclusion?)
This is good, but I'm not sure about freshman essays, but I feel like with transfer essays they want to see independence a lot, for example my essay is about a risky topic depression because they might think that it is something that would cause me to waste what I worked for, for you if you had life without her obviously yeah it would be sad and a horrible thing, but the focus I feel like should be what lesson or qualities from her would still be carried with you even after she passes away, but idk I'm doing a transfer essay it might be a little different.
I really enjoyed your essay and think you have a strong voice in your paper. I think maybe you should take out the part about the cigarette, just because that may be portraying an image of your sister that you don't want colleges to see. But still, it's your essay and it's a fine piece of work.
thanks for your input! i really appreciate it, maybe i will talk that out... but i feel like its something most teenagers do at one time or another. anyway, thanks again!