"Coming from a big Jamaican family" - Diversity Colgate Supplement

In 250 words or less, please respond to the following:

We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family background, culture, and traditions. Please tell us about a tradition that is important to you that comes from your family, community, or culture.

Coming from a big Jamaican family we have an abundance of traditions. Our traditions are a big part of how we bond as a family. One of our most joyful traditions entails having a big party before the funeral of a friend or loved one; this event is called Night Night. In the summer of 2009 I took part in this event as a result of the death of my Grandmother. During the Night Night my family as well as neighborhood friends, got together to eat, drink, dance, and stayed up all night. My family wore white that night to show our relation to the deceased.

The Night Night is a big part of how we celebrate the dead. It is essential because it is about having fun and enjoying yourself instead of sitting on the couch crying. We don't sleep that whole night because the deceased loved one is, in our mind, sleeping for us. When the funeral came there was a heap of tired bodies but that's just part of tradition. Whenever I take part in this event it is always a tad bit sad because it means that someone has passed but I have fun because it helps bring my family closer together.

That is an interesting tradition you have! I do, however, have a couple pointers to make it better.

1. You say that Night Night is joyful in the midst of a person's upcoming funeral. What makes the atmosphere joyful in spite of that? Be specific about the things involved with Night Night.

2. Your essay would probably kick off better if you start with the third sentence while incorporating the first two into the rest of the paragraph. The prompt is asking you to tell them of a tradition you have, so get to the point.

3. The last two sentences of your essay need to explain more of what it was like rather than summarize what goes on. This is the kind of stuff I can probably look up in Wikipedia; I'm not saying to take it out, but you need to be more in-depth with your experience.

I like it, just make some minor fixes

"During the Night Night, my family,including the neighborhood..."
don't use the word "got/get." fix the sentence up so you don't use any colloquialism.

Your original last sentence can be fixed. Such as "Although I feel a bit sad, I have fun..." You can elaborate~

Reading this, I find it to be an interesting tradition; I would like to see that in my neck of the woods sometime.

I think you responded to the question nicely,
my only advice would be (if you have the space) to elaborate more on the impact the tradition has had upon you.