Common App short answer (both sides of the stage)

Does anyone mind reading and critiquing my short answer for the Common App? I would truly appreciate it! Thanks in advance!!

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

"Action!" The stage manager gave me my cue and I began to open the stage curtains to reveal the exquisite set the technical theater crew members and I had diligently worked on for six weeks to the eager audience. A rush of emotion went through my body, although I was not actually performing on the stage, I still felt the same passion as if I were on stage playing during my orchestra concerts. Seeing the stage transform from dull and naked to a lavish stage that would enhance the play and awe that audience was greatly satisfying to me. I knew my hard work and the work of my other crew members had finally paid off. I have been able find creative satisfaction not only on the stage (orchestra concerts), but also behind the stage. By joining technical theater crew I have learned the importance of creativity and hard work on both sides of the stage.

hey i really like this (:

it's pretty well-written throughout, but i think there are some syntax issues that could be worked on. for example, the first sentence is a bit confusing.

"Action!" The stage manager gave me my cue and I began to openopened the stage curtains to reveal the exquisite set the technical theater crew members and I had diligently worked on for six weeks to the eager audience.

in this sentence (below), also try to think of a way to rephrase without using the word "stage" twice or too close together. also i don't think you really need to say "enhance the play"...that's kind of implied. you should also try to avoid passive tense (ex:"...was greatly satisfying to me.") you can make more of an impact if you use an active verb here!

Seeing the stage transformed from dull and naked to a lavish stage that would enhance the play and awe that audience was greatly satisfying to me.

by just being concise and not adding in words you don't need, i think you can make your essay a lot better. i really like how you talk about "both sides of the stage" though! i think it's really interesting and unique. good job (:

Thank you so much for your help!! I will definitely make some corrections.

perhaps you may want to elaborate more on the last sentence. what do you mean by "learned the importance of creativity"

but overall, i think it's impressive :)
goodluck