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Common app essay - Constructive Disaster? My transformation into a strong person.



dibs 1 / -  
Aug 31, 2017   #1
Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Constructive Disaster?



The fear on his face was as heartbreaking as the scenario in front of my eyes.But, it was much more concerning- the damaged roads, that we were standing on, could be reconstructed but what the future held for both of us could have been something beyond repair. We were both uncertain what would we be going back home to.

To begin with, it was a beautiful day and after a lot of effort, my parents had given me the permission to travel alone in the public vehicle for the first time in my life. I had entrance examination in my dream school, so my father had dropped me off to ensure I wouldn't be late. As I got off his motorbike and was handed a 100 rupees note, "Have a safe ride back home, you're still a kid", he had said. "I'm fifteen", I had replied, as I strolled away.

That wasn't even a proper goodbye for the day my life would be examined with the test much worse and difficult than the examination I was out of my home on that beautiful weekend for. We were hit by the devastating earthquake and as I left that unfamiliar place, all alone and completely unaware about my home and family, I couldn't help but regret everything- right from not carrying my new phone, to the decision I had made that morning to travel alone, to half-done insufficient goodbye.

With a lot of difficulties, I figured out which side of the junction I was supposed to go and got into a correct vehicle, which had already become scarce due to the frequent aftershocks. Credits to the small size of my body, I managed to get into an already-packed vehicle. Injuries, smashed vehicles, a seemingly dead body, miseries and fears- everything I witnessed from the window and the stories that I heard from the passengers had already unnerved me. As excited as I was that morning for traveling alone, the mishap undoubtedly made it the worst experience.

I had to get off the bus a little earlier because the road ahead was damaged. That was when I saw that little stranger. He looked a lot younger and scared than I was. He approached me and asked me to help him contact his family. Try as I might, I couldn't help him for the fact that I didn't have my phone and communication system was broken. So I decided to walk him home as we were going towards the same place, and through the same situation: uncertain whether or not we had our families to go back home to. That kid was me, just more terrified. Being with him, I got this unusual strength to fake a calm emotional state although I was completely broken on the inside. I managed to cheer him up and kept him (and myself) from crying when we were almost thrown off the bridge by yet another violent quake.

That short walk with the little boy implanted the sense of responsibility and maturity in me. I realized that there comes a situation in life when pretending to be strong is the only option although you are completely shattered inside. Being alone gave me the strength because I most certainly would have fainted if I was with an adult. I felt strong, bold and loved when the boy's mother hugged me and later when my community cheered for me when I shared my story.

While the ground kept swaying, the girl who hesitated borrowing a phone to avoid talking to strangers was transformed into a braver girl who helped a stranger get back to his family while going through a situation that could have easily broken anyone down. Every time I reflect back upon that day, I realize that there couldn't have been any better blend of situations to have that sort of astonishing transformation.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Aug 31, 2017   #2
Dibya, this essay is perfect. You have accurately depicted the cycle of events that happened in Nepal during the earthquake without turning it into an exaggerated soap opera. The reviewer will definitely take note of your presentation. If I were to ask you to change anything though, it would be that you shorten the narrative about how you got home because it makes the essay longer than it has to be without actually establishing a sense of personal growth or reflection on your part. If you can revise the narrative in that portion, you will find that the essay will be tighter and more interesting. It will also allow you to have more room for your personal traits development and the understanding that you came to have of the little boy that you helped. Those parts seem a bit too short in the essay compared to the establishing paragraphs that you created. Try to place more focus on your development in relation to helping the boy so that you can describe the event as one that helped you understand yourself and someone else in a more important and highlighted context.
zackyyy 1 / 3  
Aug 31, 2017   #3
You've done a great job. It would be fantastic if you would remove the preliminary information and delve into your period of realization of your maturity..

Overall that's great. You've played nicely with your words


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