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Common app essay on personal development based off a light hearted situation - feed back


acceptedpiggy4f 1 / -  
Apr 4, 2023   #1
Prompt:

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.



"Hi Miss. Green, I am writing this email to you because of something I did."

At ten years old, I was sick of my classmate Daniel's petty bullying. He was constantly stealing my sacred neon flair pens and I, bound by the ancient 5th grade amendment of "thou shalt not tattle" decided to seek what I thought of as justice. When I shattered the amendment about snitching in a way that I had never expected, justice turned out to be more nuanced than I thought.

The crime for which I sought to punish Daniel was simple: he stole my most coveted possession, the flair pens. In the courtroom of my mind, I was swift to find him guilty, and deliver his sentence: I would change the answers on his latest test to humble and injure him. And I did exactly that.

Obviously it was a good idea, why would it not be? I had finally been able to stand up for myself, and by decreasing Daniel's grade, I was finally able to brag about something to him. "The better grade" was a great way for me to get back, until it was not, and the guilt started eating away at my dignity.

As soon as I returned home that day, my conscience caught up with me. The guilt of what I had done weighed heavily on my mind. I had always prided myself on being a good student, someone who respected the rules and worked hard for good grades. But in that moment, I had let my anger and frustration get the best of me. I had crossed a line that I never thought I would cross, and it made me feel sick to my stomach.

During the week of the heinous crime, I was feeling good about myself until my teacher approached me about the eraser marks on Daniel's test. It was clear that she suspected something was amiss, and my first instinct was to lie to protect myself. I said I had not touched his test, and I felt a sense of relief at the time. However, as I continued to lie to her, the guilt started to build up inside of me.

I realized that I had made a big mistake by trying to punish Daniel in this way. It wasn't fair for me to tamper with his test and affect his grades. I felt guilty and ashamed of my actions, and it was hard for me to ignore those egregious feelings.

Eventually, I decided to come clean and wrote an email to my fifth grade teacher confessing my involvement with the crime. I felt a sense of relief after sending the email, but I also felt scared of what the consequences would be. Would I be punished? Would my parents be called? These thoughts raced through my mind as I waited for a response.

When my teacher responded, she commended me for being honest and taking responsibility for my actions. She also reminded me of the importance of fairness and treating others the way I wanted to be treated. Her words resonated with me, and I realized that justice was not about revenge or getting even. Instead, it was about treating others with respect and kindness, even when they did not deserve it.

Looking back, I see that my actions were not justifiable, and I should have handled the situation differently. I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of fairness, honesty, and treating others with kindness. These values have stayed with me throughout my adolescence, and have helped shape the way I interact with others.

Now, I strive to be fair and just in all my interactions with people, no matter how difficult or frustrating they may be. I understand that everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second chance. As such, I am always willing to forgive and move forward, just as Miss. Green had.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,898 4797  
Apr 6, 2023   #2
This is a well written essay that shows how events in your life led to a lifelong lesson and realization. All of which have added up to creating a better person at this time. The story feels incomplete though. The screener would want to know what the repercussions of your actions were. Were your parents called? What was your punishment for what you did aside from the talk with the teacher? How about Daniel? Was he allowed to get away with his bullying attitude and what he did to you? The story would actually be more informative with regards to your growth as a person at that time if these questions were given answers to within the character development reference.


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