[COMMON APP] HAPINESS LIES IN THE PROCESS, NOT THE DESTINATION

Hello, please give me some feedbacks about this essay, thank you so much in advance!
I choose the "Share any topic you like" prompt.
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What is happiness?

Is it achieving a high score on a test or claiming victory in a prestigious competition?

As an ambitious individual, I have long believed that true happiness lies in the attainment of success. Yet, my high school journey has reshaped that belief: the greatest joy stems from exerting one's utmost effort towards a goal.

Growing up in the suburbs of a bustling city, I was in a situation where everything was possible, yet nothing was readily available. Although I was fortunate to have early exposure to computers, online education was not prevalent in Vietnam during that time. Therefore, finding quality materials, such as textbooks and online courses, was a challenging task. To test my skills, I participated in various English competitions, both school-assigned and self-registered. Sometimes I won, but usually I left these arenas empty-handed, like a lost knight with imaginary judging eyes nearby. My most unforgettable memory, however, was the high school entrance exam. Failing to get into my desired school initially wounded me deeply, but in hindsight, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. This failure motivated me to step out of my comfort zone and seek guidance from other professionals.

Instead of waiting for the surroundings to change, I believed in proactively finding a suitable environment for myself. Throughout my three years in high school, I tirelessly sought new opportunities to learn from the successful formulas of those who had navigated similar paths before me. This involved joining study abroad clubs and creating study abroad profiles for fellow candidates. As a grade 12 student, I also have many concerns about my future major.

Starting by joining some business case competitions, I discovered my passion for business and leadership. To be precise, I found myself engrossed in analyzing complex scenarios and formulating solutions. This experience was a revelation; it was far more engaging and fulfilling than my previous focus on English tests. It was during these particularly tough case competitions that I realized my true passion: I want to major in a business-related major. This decision was not made lightly. The leadership and design roles I undertook during these competitions allowed me to see the potential in myself that I had never acknowledged. I realized that I thrive in dynamic, challenging environments where I can strategize and innovate. I am excited to bring this passion and determination to my future studies. I am confident that this path will enable me to make a meaningful impact in the future.

Both my 11-year-old self and my 17-year-old self refused to settle for mediocrity. However, as time passes, I have come to appreciate the value of having companionship, mentorship, and ultimately, a progressive environment. Admittedly, I had to endure numerous struggles in the process of recovering from each failure. I have to learn to adapt and transform my mindset to become a better version before every new challenge. Yet, I believe that today's independence will lay a solid foundation for my future. I can assert that when I enter the doors of the university, I will not be overwhelmed or demoralized by failures or changes.

Three years have been sufficient for me to evolve from someone solely focused on extreme advancement to someone who values self-love and understands how to embrace her own limitations. In the end, not every story concludes with a beautiful ending, but if I don't pick up the pen, I won't even have a story.

The first paragraph is a bit confusing. It would be better if you remove that presentation instead. It lacks actual focus and a clear discussion direction. It is always easier to write a new paragraph instead of revising the content of the existing one. That is why I am suggesting that you delete this portion and write a new one instead. Read the succeeding parts of the essay, you will realize that your current first paragraph needs more work. Consider the overall arc of your presentation and then write a new introduction that would better tie into the later paragraph preesentations. The presentation is good, it just needs to be better directed for the benefit of the reviewer.

Hello @Holt, I am so grateful for your feedback. I have just written a new introduction, can you provide feedback on this one?

One of the most profound and transformative experiences in life is the realization of personal growth-a journey marked by trials, triumphs, and the evolution of one's identity. As I reflect on my own story, I am so surprised that I have found the answer to this question: "What do I really want?"

Is this version link with the other parts? Thank you so much in advance