Common Application Essay - Mark Twain

250 word minimum.

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

My basic concerns with this essay is that the first paragraph is overly critical and contradicts my third paragraph on prejudice. But I want to get my point across that Mark Twain is unlike celebrities nowadays because he wasn't consumed by wealth and fame. I also need help with ideas for a conclusion, if you think it needs one.

Thanks!

Nowadays, if you were to ask a person who their influence is, you would be given the names of athletes, actors, or musicians. People whose lives that are built on the ground of prosperity and fenced in by the walls of wealth. Drug induced, jail ridden and attention obsessed, many of these "influences" aren't more than a pretty face and a lot of money. My influence, however, is a man characterized by his distaste for civilization and his compulsion for equality. Chastised by the wealthy, and admired by the common man, Mark Twain was truly a remarkable person, and one of my greatest influences.

I can easily compare my philosophy of life to the philosophy of Mark Twain. Twain often criticized society and the profound, unnecessary affect it had on the actions of people. Like Twain, I believe that people are putting too much effort into trying to conform to the means of society and materialism, and how by doing that people change who they 'really are.' He stated that "there is great danger that our people will lose our independence of thought and action which is the cause of much of our greatness," and often times noted that civilization itself can be seen as "the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities." I hope that as I grow older I do not find myself possessed by the shallowness of materialism and disillusionment of society

Also, like Twain, I am a strong believer in the fact that everyone should be treated equally. Though in the United States everyone has "equal rights" it is still clear that not everyone is being treated equally. Stereotypes and prejudice are still common and alter a person's opinions whether we like to admit it or not. As America becomes an increasing diverse society, it is imperative that we learn to accept and appreciate our differences. In order to overcome this obstacle we must treat everyone with respect fairness. We must have tolerance towards others, and teach our friends and family to act the same way. Our generation is the next generation in line to make a change, the way we act now will greatly affect us in the future.

Your essay is fairly strong, at least as far as style and grammar go. You might want to rework your intro, though. It adopts a "most other people suck but I'm cool" tone that might not go down so well, especially if your reader happens to be someone who greatly admires an athlete, actor, or musician. Also, you might spend a bit more time in the essay talking about how Twain influenced you. At the moment, you focus heavily on how much you agree with his position. But, you might have come to those conclusions, which are after all part of the standard dogma kids are indoctrinated with in school, independently of Twain. Did reading Twain's work shape your views? Which texts? Why did they resonate with you? Etc.

Yeah, that was the problem I was having. I'm not sure how to show that Twain is different from other celebritites in a non-insulting way.

I'll edit the other paragraphs and focus in more on how he has influenced me, and I'll give examples from his novels [such as the overrated means of society in Huck Finn etc..] and I'll repost when I'm done.

Thanks!

Why do you have to say he is different at all? You can just give your reasons for admiring him, without comparing him to others.

I look forward to reading your next draft.

How's this?

My personal influence is a man characterized by his distaste for civilization and his compulsion for equality. An author who wrote of controversial issues, he lay on the backburner of society. Chastised by the wealthy, and admired by the common man, Mark Twain was truly a remarkable person, and one of my greatest influences.

After reading Twain's The Gilded Age, my philosophy of life had changed drastically. Twain often criticized society and the profound, unnecessary affect it had on the actions of people. His writings made me believe that people are indeed putting too much effort into trying to conform to the means of society and materialism, and how by doing that people change who they 'really are.' He stated that "there is great danger that our people will lose our independence of thought and action which is the cause of much of our greatness," and often times noted that civilization itself can be seen as "the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities." Because of this, I will not allow myself to be possessed by the shallowness of materialism and disillusionment of society as I grow older. Instead, I will take life as it comes, not taking anything for granted.

Also, because of Twain, I am a stronger believer in the fact that everyone should be treated equally. In his novel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Twain stresses the idea that through equality, great things can be achieved. I used to see the world through prejudicial eyes, but now I realized how much more peaceful things are when you leave your chauvinism behind. I have become more aware of that fact that though in the United States everyone has "equal rights" it is still clear that not everyone is being treated equally. Stereotypes and prejudice are still common and alter a person's opinions whether we like to admit it or not. As America becomes an increasing diverse society, Twain has shown me that it is imperative that we learn to accept and appreciate our differences He made me believe that our generation is the next generation in line to make a change, the way we act now will greatly affect us in the future.

Better. A couple of things, though:


But greater equality is an advance made by civilization. You might want to discuss briefly the sort of myths Twain believed in that would allow him to ignore this.


This, like most of the other parts of your essay I'm about to quote, is a good starting point. But, you need to go on to explain what you have seen in your own life that would confirm this belief. That is, you should illustrate the general with the specific.


How exactly will you do this? Will you give up all the comforts of modern civilization to go and live among the residents of a poor African village where there is no running water? And what would you do when you get there? Rejoice in the spiritual joy of living in material poverty? Or attempt to help the villagers find ways of meeting their material needs? Etc. Again, you need specifics.


Italicize novel titles.


What sorts of prejudice did you suffer from? How did you overcome them? How does this tie in to Twain?


And you offer as proof of this your experience of . . .

Your revision is much stronger. In general, I advise people under 30 to avoid saying "nowadays," as if they were intimately familiar with earlier eras, so I'm glad you cut that part out. But now your introduction is somewhat vapid. Could you, perhaps, lead with something said by Twain that epitomizes what you admire about his way of looking at the world? Normally, I don't advise starting with quotes, but in this case it might help liven up the essay, since Twain is so acerbic.