Common Apps Short Question- 'A community service experience'

Hello,

Please help me have a look at this. Thank you!

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

In February 2008, my schoolmates and I organized a public community service road show cum volunteer festival for youths. The large-scale event aimed to expose youths to Voluntary Welfare Organizations (VWOs) and to foster the spirit of community serving. The event was held successfully, attracting about 1000 peers and garnering more than 500 signups from youths to serve at the VWOs. The resounding success of the event was heartening and helped me to realize that though many youths were eager to volunteer, they were held back by the lack of information on where and how to start. Through this event, I have managed to interact with the personnel serving at the various VWOs as well as the beneficiaries. Above all, I have learnt to appreciate life more deeply and this has provided me with even greater motivation to serve the needy with all that I have been blessed with.

(149 words)

I'd replace "community serving" with "community service," and revise "The event was held successfully" to "The event was successful." Apart from that, the essay seems solid.

Thanks (:

What does "cum" signify here? It it a typo? Or, if it is a proper noun maybe it should be capitalized?

Good luck!!!

:)

Above all, I have learnt to appreciate life even more deeply, and this has provided me with a greater motivation to serve the needy(diff. word if possible?) with all that I have been blessed with.

Over all a nice one

I think "cum" is being used correctly here. According to dictionary.com, its definition is "with; combined with; along with (usually used in combination): My garage-cum-workshop is well equipped." So, presumably you mean that the experience involved an activity that combined elements of the road show with elements of a volunteer festival.

I think it would be better if you add one specific example to tell how you benefited from this experience.

Thanks for introducing me to that new word!! :)

That's what I love about the English language -- there are always new words to be discovered.

Too many words leaves you like Yosemite Sam when he has 12 pistols and doesn't know which one to grab! Too many words make the brain full of knowledge, so it is like a computer that runs slow! I know too many words already!

In the Tao Te Ching, it says, "In seeking knowledge, every day something is acquired; in seeking wisdom, every day something is dropped." Lately, I think that it is important to feel your way through life instead of so much thinking and planning.

Nevertheless, by teaching me that word you probably saved me some future embarrassment!