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"Computer laboratories, Aerospace engineering" - qualities that attract me UMich



Deadmaster 3 / 5  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
University of Michigan

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

Resources, opportunity, and experience are all key ingredients to success. These are the main attributes I look for in a school and the University of Michigan has them to offer.

An important factor that I look for in a school is the opportunity to study abroad, and the University of Michigan has just that. The Engineering Global Leadership Honors program allows for study abroad and offers a challenging course load that incorporates business, culture, and leadership into engineering. These key aspects will prove helpful in starting a global business and leading it effectively. Along with the Engineering Global Leadership Honors program there is also the GEA Aerospace Summer Program which also offers a study abroad experience in Europe where I can deepen my knowledge in the field of aerospace engineering. There are also many other internship opportunities offered and each internship will provide me with the experience needed for me to excel after I graduate and enter the work force.

One of the things that drew my attention was the availability of computer laboratories to students of the School of Engineering. The 24 hour availability of computers full of helpful software shows that the school is giving its student the resources they need. This accessibility of computer facilities is unparalleled by any other school I've seen and would certainly prove to be instrumental in my success.

Aerospace engineering isn't something new to the alumni of the School of Engineering. With alumni ranging from CEOs of businesses to working for and leading projects for NASA, the alumni base shows that the School of Engineering is effective in its teaching methods and course curriculum. One of my career goals is to work for NASA, and the fact that an alumnus from the school is working in NASA strengthens my ambition. The School of Engineering attracts individuals with a common goal of succeeding and being surrounded by these individuals will motivate me even more to reach my maximum potential and become an upstanding engineer. The University of Michigan has the ingredients to success that I need, and that is why I wish to attend its School of Engineering.

maineballin 2 / 6  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
Good essay, I understand what makes you want to go there but a few corrections:

-First of all you say you are going to talk about experiences in your first paragraph but then in the second paragraph you talk more about opportunities the university offers not experiences(you can easily change the first two sentences make it opportunities)

-second sentence is kinda confusing(Experience is that which teaches and stimulates growth and development and it is for that reason what I look for most in a school is an experience that will stay with me forever, and that is exactly what the University of Michigan has to offer.)

-For example, the availability of computer...
-Another, key neccessity for me at a school...
-move "these key things..." to the last paragraph
-School of Engineering attracts individuals...surrounded by these students I know will motivate me even more to...

Look at mine!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 12, 2011   #3
Use a comma for a compound sentence:
These are the main attributes I look for in a school, and the University of Michigan has them to offer.---This sentence has a couple cliches... "look for in a" and "has them to offer"

I think maybe you can revise this sentence so that it takes the reader a step further instead of just mentioning that you look for those attributes. You can add a new dimension to the sentence.

An important factor that I look for in a school is the opportunity to study abroad, and the University of Michigan has just that.----Again, here, the meaning of the sentence is kind of simple. You can add intensity to the essay by saying something a little more specific and astute here, a meaningful observation.

The School of Engineering attracts individuals with a common goal of succeeding, and being surrounded by these individuals will motivate me even more to reach my maximum potential and become an upstanding engineer. ---This sentences... I added a comma, but actually I do not like this sentence because it uses a lot of words to say something simple. Also, it awkwardly uses "individual" twice in a row.

The whole essay is clear but not profound... it's just a little too simple. It is strong because id demonstrates clear thinking and good writing, but I think you can do even better if you add an excellent concept as you revise.


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