Please make any necessary changes, I'm still kind of revising and rewriting, but I need a second opinion. Thanks so much!
At nine years old I was faced with an event that would take part in creating the person I am today and who I will be for the rest of my life. It has perceived the way I look at things in life, the way I look at myself and the way I look at others around me. I had to learn to adapt to whatever transformations and modifications life brought my way.
I looked down at the casket where my sister lay. She didn't look like herself. She was wearing a white dress, but I knew she would've much rather preferred to wear jeans and a baggy t-shirt. The way her foundation was packed onto her face looked far from natural and her lips were painted five shades brighter than normal; she never wore make-up. Her hands, on her stomach, lay on top of one another. They say that they look peaceful lying in a casket, but there was a melancholic expression that overtook her. It was the same look she had for quite some time now and had went unnoticed for far too long.
I always blamed the loss of my sister on myself, as most people do when they lose a loved one. It was the little things that seemed insignificant at the time, but were in fact, significant. I would beat myself up for not looking out for her more, even though all of her life, she did just that for me. She was my practically my guardian since my parents were never around and her loss was a wake-up call to my parents. They started staying home more and tried to support me with everything I did.
The thing about grief is that you can't control it. The best you can do is try to let yourself feel it when it comes and let it go when you can. The worst part is when you think it passes, it comes right back without even asking. It isn't just grief we have to deal with; it's life, it's loss, it's change. The way you deal with it is up to you and will shape the person you turn out to be.
It has influenced the way I look at things in life, the way I look at myself and the way I look at others around me.
It was the same look she had worn for quite some time now and had gone unnoticed for far too long.
They started staying home more and tried to support me in everything I did.
I am so sorry for your loss. Good luck with school.
That was a very touching essay. I'm sorry for your loss.
I don't see many grammatical mistakes other than the ones Susan has already pointed out.
I think you missed one word here though:
How you deal with it is up to you, but it will shape the person you turn out to be.
And I think this essay flows really nicely, and also really gets to the reader.
If I had to pick one sentence that is the strongest of the essay, I'd probably pick this:
It isn't just grief we have to deal with; it's life, it's loss, it's change.
I really like this one :p
