Cornell College of Human Ecology Supplement--

What do you value about the College of Human Ecology perspective as you consider your academic goals and plans for the future? Reflect on our majors that interest you as you respond. (word limit: 500)

What entices me about the College of Human Ecology is the fact that it offers an education which puts emphasis on the breadth of disciplines and the multitude of perspectives inherent in the study of health issues. Learning from interdisciplinary perspectives would enable me to obtain a fuller understanding and appreciation of the field of health and medicine, a field that I became interested in ever since I read about the fascinating history of medicine, in particular, the therapeutic revolution of the early twentieth century. I also come from a background in which utmost importance is placed on health and nutrition. Over the years, I have developed a passion for healthy eating and fitness. When I read the news online, I have found that health and medical articles are the ones I take the most interest in. Health has become more than a matter of lifestyle; it has become something I want to know more about, something I want to dedicate my time and effort towards exploring.

Among the majors in the College, I believe the Human Biology, Health, and Society (HBHS) undergraduate program would be the best grounds for me to develop and extend my interest in health issues in relation to overall human wellness. The thought of studying health issues that are best addressed by multidisciplinary solutions is exhilarating because this approach nurtures creativity and innovation. With the advancements in health management and health risk reduction, it is not enough to be a specialist. Knowing that health issues are multi-dimensional, I hope to become more than an expert in one field. I would look forward to integrating a strong foundation in human biology with psychology, nutrition, statistics, writing, and other exciting courses.

What can I take out and/or put in?
How can I make this personal? I am at a loss of what to do with regards to this part.
Thanks in advance!!

Hello my friend, I think this part above should be the start of paragraph 2. I think it is good to get to the thesis sentence and end the first paragraph rather quickly, so that the reader learns the main idea of the essay instead of having to follow you around.

So, I think you should add a solid thesis statement after "therapeutic revolution of the early twentieth century" ----> and end the first para with that thesis statement.

I like what you wrote about how it is not enough to be a specialist. It is not enough to be a general practitioner, but it is not enough to be a specialist, either! You have to be a multi-dimensional specialist. I think this idea is a good idea to use as the central theme of the whole essay, which you can express in that thesis sentence. What do you think of that idea?

Thanks for the feedback!

I like what you are saying. This is the main idea I'm trying to get at in the first paragraph. However, the difficulty I have with incorporating your suggestion is that these two paragraphs address the prompt separately: the first, academic goals; the second, plans for the future. In the first, I want them to know what I want to study, namely health. In the second, I am talking about the possible applications of the knowledge I have obtained from the classroom in real world situations and the opportunities available that will get me there.

With that said, do you think that I should merge the two paragraphs in some way?

I tried splitting the first paragraph like this (1st ~ what brought about my interests, 2nd ~ what major goes with my particular interests)

Among the majors in the College, I believe the Human Biology, Health, and Society (HBHS) undergraduate program would be the best grounds for me to develop and extend my interest in health issues in relation to overall human wellness.

Do you think that works? Also, does the bolded part sound awkward? I am not sure if "be the best grounds" is the correct idiom to use here or if it's an idiom at all.

Yes, it is tough to give the 2 different responses and still have one memorable "main idea" that will stick in the reader's mind. But the way to make an impression is to advance one bold idea.

Among the majors in the College, I believe the Human Biology, Health, and Society (HBHS) undergraduate program would be the best grounds for me to develop and extend my interest in health issues in relation to overall human wellness. This is just so general and meaningless. It will be meaningful when it is specific. Refer to a specific problem you will solve, or refer to a specific philosophy of medicine that you believe in. :-)