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'cross-country race and tough physics problems' - essay about extracular activities


willow 1 / -  
Oct 6, 2011   #1
This is the first time I come to write an essay and I got hardly any guidance, I hope to get some suggestion whether or not this sort of informal style suits, and does this make my essay more interesting and fascinating. Thank you.

Assignment: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
It seemed centuries ago when I last pulled my head out of the ice-cold water and greedily had a breadth of the fresh air. My limbs were shivering and the freezing water and my heart beated violently, about to jump out of my chest. Again striking shoutings bumped into my eardrum which somehow deliberated a sort of warmth and strenth. I immersed into the pool and lifted an arm once again.

The first ceremonious activity in our senior high life, the swimming competition is a bittersweet memory for me. I can't really tell how I managed to finish the whole intense 100-meter freestyle relay in condition of having finished another exhausting event minutes again, or how we surprisingly got the 6th place with two of our team members just learned to swim a few monthes ago. What may remain vividly in my mind till eon should be our classmates sacrificing their time for individual study and taking up practically half of the small stadium, my headteacher extending a hand to help me out as soon as I reached the destination, and my teemmates and I reached the unbridledly celebrating the triunph.

Honestly I never expected to enjoy such intense pleasure of collaboration and victory from swimming when I picked it up in kindergartan. Mostly learning to swim was a horrible experience I still remember how I squealed, wailed and withstood every Friday night at the beginning. There was a curious system in the school-there were various classes of groups, which guarantee that no one can remain the best, and comparatively relaxed, for long. Countless experienes of being the last one or two are, not to mention, miserable. Every time I get closer to the destination, a gleam of hope rises, which then leads to deeper despaire when I find everyone have started a new lap. Every time I feel definitely sure that it's impossible for my aparted body to move an inch forward, but since I'm not tactful enough to pretend to have a stomacache or slide away, continuing always seems to be the only way.

Day by day, I eventually realised that we never know where our "utmost" lies, or maybe it does not exist at all. I tried to apply this rough regulation to other aspects of my life-cross-country race, tough physics problems, and even interpersonal relation. Everything just turns to be siple sometimes. It's all the same-keep the frequency and continue. Every inch forward, we are an inch closer to the aim, which eventually leads to the result we were expecting.
Dii 6 / 24  
Oct 6, 2011   #2
First, it is too long for the 1000 character limit. Note not words but characters
Revise the whole piece.
allisonweeks73 1 / 3  
Oct 6, 2011   #3
The essay is too long, it has to be 1000 characters.


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