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I am a curious, determined Brazilian Jew and I still feel the urge to "be more".



Charphil 5 / 25  
Dec 30, 2014   #1
In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.

I am a curious, determined Brazilian Jew and I still feel the urge to "be more." After I realized how different people can be and the influence their backgrounds has on them, I have yearned to learn more about the cultures of others. I have been dreaming to study abroad because I've always wanted to keep feeding my curiosity and learn how I can give back my knowledge and experiences to the world. I visited BU's campus last April and instantly felt that it resonates highly with what I have been dreaming to experience in college: cultural exchange, intellectual growth, diversity, and identity.

BU's Business Administration and Management major became unique and appealing to me once I realized that I could interweave my interest in attaining a managerial education and join an array of student clubs. Combining both my career-oriented interest and my passion for sports, I can clearly see myself as a member of the Sports Management Association, for example.

Located in one of the most vibrant cities in the US, BU effectively integrates academic and social sites where students are able to study and make lasting friendships. Having a good time is always possible by reaching equilibrium between academic and leisure activities, and BU's campus and community encourage this lifestyle. I want to be part of this responsible, educated, global community, and I am confident that if I am granted the opportunity to attend Boston University, my dreams will come true.

Hey everyone, please give me a hand here!

- What more should I include and/or what should I cut out?
- Do I need to be specific with any clubs and organizations?
- Grammatical errors?
- Is it a good idea to focus on its diversity? I feel like its a little bit cliche..
- Is my concluding sentence good?

Thanks


Dslash 2 / 6  
Dec 30, 2014   #2
Some suggestions:
-since you want to know about other cultures, can you think of a moment which prompted this? Maybe like "After my first trip to Israel to track my roots, I have yearned to learn about not only my own culture, but the cultures of others."

-what SPECIFICALLY about BU's campus? List a couple of buildings you may use/ what for?
-Any interests that coincide SPECIFIC clubs? Maybe like: "Through my passion for volunteering, I plan to join the numerous soup kitchens at BU just like I have done throughout my high school career."

Overall, be less general, add more specifics about academics( what are you interested in/ major?) All I see is a lot of fluff about how BU is diverse and has good academics. Good start, but SPEFICALLY any programs? I know its 250 words but add a little more and see how it goes.

Best of luck, and can you check out my essay on Cornell?
OP Charphil 5 / 25  
Dec 30, 2014   #3
I made a lot of changes on this one! can someone please check it out? I am open to all types of suggestions and criticism! Btw, if there are any grammar mistakes, please point them out! Thanks


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