I would really appreciate some help revising my essay.. this is my first draft. I think the second paragraph in particular might need some grammar help. Thanks!
"Today, we live in a world where we are running out of space in landfills to put our trash. Most people would never think that the world's largest landfill is actually in the Pacific Ocean. There are millions of pounds of garbage in the Pacific Ocean, most of it plastic. This particular ocean has the largest amount of garbage in it, but all of the world's oceans are polluted to some extent. This pollution in the oceans has caused a great amount of damage to ocean species.
When I went on vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina in the summer of 2007, I was able to see damage to ocean species first hand. On one day of my vacation, my family and I went deep sea fishing. Someone on the boat accidentally snagged a sea turtle by one of its flippers with a fishing hook. When the turtle was brought up to the surface of the water, everyone could clearly see that one of its flippers was entangled in some fishing line. Fishing line is not biodegradable, and therefore will be tangled around the turtle's flipper for the rest of its life unless someone was to cut it off. The captain of the boat said we were not able to reel the turtle onto the boat and cut the entangled fishing line off because it would be too dangerous and we would not be able to get the turtle back into the water because of its weight. The captain then cut the fishing line that the turtle got snagged by so it could swim away.
Ever since I saw that turtle who was entangled in the fishing line, I was concerned about pollution in the ocean. After doing a research project on the damage to ocean species sophomore year of high school, I learned much more about this topic. About ten percent of 200 billion pounds of plastic produced in the world over the course of a year ends up in the ocean. Surprisingly, most of this plastic does not come from seafaring vessels: nearly eighty percent of ocean trash originates on land.
I have also participated in the International Coastal Cleanup for six consecutive years. This cleanup is held once a year on a day in September where hundreds of thousands of volunteers all over the world pick up trash found on their local beaches. As a result of just one day of volunteer work, millions of pounds of trash are removed from beaches worldwide. Participating in this event on a local Lake Erie beach for six years has given me more opportunities to work with others and make a difference in my community to help reduce the effects of pollution in Lake Erie."
"Today, we live in a world where we are running out of space in landfills to put our trash. Most people would never think that the world's largest landfill is actually in the Pacific Ocean. There are millions of pounds of garbage in the Pacific Ocean, most of it plastic. This particular ocean has the largest amount of garbage in it, but all of the world's oceans are polluted to some extent. This pollution in the oceans has caused a great amount of damage to ocean species.
When I went on vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina in the summer of 2007, I was able to see damage to ocean species first hand. On one day of my vacation, my family and I went deep sea fishing. Someone on the boat accidentally snagged a sea turtle by one of its flippers with a fishing hook. When the turtle was brought up to the surface of the water, everyone could clearly see that one of its flippers was entangled in some fishing line. Fishing line is not biodegradable, and therefore will be tangled around the turtle's flipper for the rest of its life unless someone was to cut it off. The captain of the boat said we were not able to reel the turtle onto the boat and cut the entangled fishing line off because it would be too dangerous and we would not be able to get the turtle back into the water because of its weight. The captain then cut the fishing line that the turtle got snagged by so it could swim away.
Ever since I saw that turtle who was entangled in the fishing line, I was concerned about pollution in the ocean. After doing a research project on the damage to ocean species sophomore year of high school, I learned much more about this topic. About ten percent of 200 billion pounds of plastic produced in the world over the course of a year ends up in the ocean. Surprisingly, most of this plastic does not come from seafaring vessels: nearly eighty percent of ocean trash originates on land.
I have also participated in the International Coastal Cleanup for six consecutive years. This cleanup is held once a year on a day in September where hundreds of thousands of volunteers all over the world pick up trash found on their local beaches. As a result of just one day of volunteer work, millions of pounds of trash are removed from beaches worldwide. Participating in this event on a local Lake Erie beach for six years has given me more opportunities to work with others and make a difference in my community to help reduce the effects of pollution in Lake Erie."