'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu'

It's kind of a risky essay, so be brutally honest.
Dear Admissions Staff:
My name is Prince, and I am a shih tzu. Particularly, I belong to Karissa Austin, a young lady who is applying for a spot at your prestigious institution. Of all people (or animals) in the world, I get to observe her behavior most closely, so I feel I will be able to give you a glimpse of what her personality is like.

Karissa is the type of person who likes to do things; she can't stand being stuck at home for too long. For example, she bothers her sister to go with her to take me on walks, just for the sake of getting out of the house. She loves to bake sweets and cook ethnic foods from different cultures, particularly Middle Eastern dishes. Raised in a suburb, she adores the complexity and diversity of cosmopolitan areas. I think she would love the big city vibe of New York, don't you?

She is also a big goof ball. She laughs constantly and loves to be silly. She's truly a kid at heart! She loves to come up with silly stories about the romance between me and the neighbor's dog, Faith, but that's quite ridiculous considering I've never even met the gal. For all her juvenility, though, Karissa is mature. Her friends, family, and peers find her to be dependable and hardworking, traits that I know Karissa prides herself on.

I've seen my fair share of Karissa's internal struggles. I've been there when she had to pull all nighters doing homework and projects, combating stress and sleep deprivation. I've been there when she has existential crises, and I was there to see her float back to reality. I've gotten to see Karissa deeply contemplate life after high school. She likes to ponder the undiscovered country known as the future. She approaches it with excitement and anticipation, with doses of apprehension and uncertainty.

Karissa is not perfect. She can get grumpy when she's tired, she can have a temper, and she smothers me sometimes with her big hugs. But these are also the things that make her so great. She may get testy when she hasn't slept enough, but she does so in the name of hard work. She may be quick to anger, but she does so to defend what she believes in. Above all, she may suffocate me a little with her embraces, but it's only because she's a loving, compassionate person. In the end, that's all I need.

I hope you consider her for admission; she would love to be the next addition to your university and will not disappoint!

Respectfully Yours,
Prince

I hope it didn't come off like i'm arrogantly talking about myself in the third person. If it did, PLEASE TELL ME!

Overall, I think it is a good essay. I like how you bring up the fact that you are not perfect but maybe you should try evaluating that a little more. Goodluck!

Hmm this is definitely brave and interesting! Is there a word limit on this essay? If not, then you could work wonders because the main problem I see is that you didn't develop your ideas completely. How are you mature? How are you loving and compassionate? What are your internal struggles? And above all, you need to answer this: How do all of your qualities add to the school environment? Take a look at this essay, it vaguely similar to yours and it might be a good inspiration: apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays.html. It's the essay by Samantha L.

Please look at mine! I need all the help I can get haha

Thanks! It's a common app essay, so there isn't a set word limit but it's 500 words roughly.

It wasn't arrogant at all, don't worry. I'm not sure what the prompt was or what school you're applying to so I can't tell if it was "risky" or not.

For all silliness , though, Karissa is mature. I think that word fits better, since you're writing it fromt the POV of a dog.

There wasn't really a prompt that fit for common app, so I guess it would fit under topic of your choice.

Haha I loved your idea, it's certainly quite creative. The title is really eye catching, but try relate it more to the essay? Overall, it's a good piece of work. Only suggestion I can make is, since its for a common app general essay, would it be a bad idea to say you would love to join your university? Because the unis know for sure that you'll be applying to more than one with the same essay, and that would make it less personal. That is if you ARE applying to more than one. Just a thought.

Anyway, well done! and goodluck! :)

Haha well I put that as the title in the hopes that more people would read it! I didn't plan on putting a title when I submit, should I? Also, I plan on submitting multiple common applications and putting the actual university name, this is just a general outline.

The title is definitely attention-grabbing but a little off topic. I think this essay format is extremely creative!
Are you applying to a school in the city? Make sure your descriptions somewhat fit all the demographics of the colleges you're applying to because the common app essay is the most general out of all the essays!

As I had mentioned earlier, this isn't the title i'm putting, if I put any at all. And yes I am using this to apply to Columbia and NYU.

I think your essay is good but there are too many she's.

You mention hugging two times, which is redundant.
Other than that, I cannot add anything new.
You are a good writer.

Look I really would appreciate a sophisticated opinion on my revised movie essay,
so if you have time please help me out a little.

i like the idea but leave the part about how your friends, family... see you out cuz it should just be from the dog's perspective. and saying you pride yourself on them is kinda too much imo. but otherwise, creative idea!

hey,

thanks for reading and commenting my essay, but can you give me advice on what kind of things I should put so that it doesn't seem like Im listing my facts?

n btw, both of your essays are very-well written, especially the "'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu'", it's very unique and interesting and I think the reviews that the others are giving you are great comments and I agree with it.

thanks alot, good luck..

i love this essay!!! its really cute and definitely creative and unique. grabbed my attention at the very first sentence.

not arrogant at all, i think its very clever.
but i agree with BigBoob15 , there are too many "she's", it seems like you are listing things. unless thats how you want to get your message across

overall i really love this =) (i'm applying to nyu as well!)

I've been there when she has existential crises, and I was there to see her float back to reality

You should maybe use one tense here, now you are using three.
By the way, what is going to happen to Prince once you are admitted? (A serious question, that needs to be adressed)

The only concern I have is that it seems a bit impersonal to talk about yourself in third person...but other than that great essay!

This is a very unique and interesting essay. You may want to limit your "she's" because it seems a little mechanical the way you are using it. Change the wordings a little bit and it should be good. This is definitely an essay that would catch the eye of the reader.

Good luck! :) Check out mine if you can. Thanks!

I'm going to just be brutally honest: This sounds more like a dating website profile than a college application essay.
Writing from the point of your dog is risky, and not in the good edgy way.
Essentially, you're justifying submitting a list of your personality traits by saying it's from your dog.
From what you wrote, if it is true, it's obvious that you have a lot to offer and could do so much better than this.

I encourage you to restart from the beginning.
Good luck, and sorry to be so harsh.