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'the death of my grandmother when i was twelve' - Common App significant event

TFleet13 2 / 3  
Oct 10, 2012   #1
Prompt:Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

Easily the most significant and difficult experience that I have had to deal with in my relatively short life was the death of my grandmother when I was twelve years old; everything happening so quickly and unexpectedly makes this the most vivid memory of my entire life. In my opinion, my grandmother was probably the most influential person I had ever gotten the privilege to know. She was pretty much a second mother to me; always taking care of me and my younger brother whenever my parents were at work by feeding us, tending to us when we were sick, helping us with our homework, and teaching us valuable life lessons such as generosity, respect, and honesty. These lessons are a large part of what makes me the well-rounded young man that I am today, and I can thank my grandmother for that My grandmother's success in life was credited to self-reliance and her natural ability to help others unconditionally. I want to be able to follow in her footsteps by sharing the same qualities that she possessed. Whether it is academically or athletically, I always strive to be a dependable and hard-working young man that can be relied on to give his best effort to help anyone at any given moment. If my grandmother were alive today, I feel that she would approve of the young man that she helped develop. Her death has impacted me by giving me the realization that life is not guarantee, it can end so abruptly at any particular moment without any sort of warning if and when it will happen. This realization has inspired me to live life to the fullest with no regrets and give my best effort in the classroom and on the playing field because certain opportunities will never happen again. It also inspires me to not put harmful substances like alcohol or other drugs into my body because I want to live a healthy lifestyle that can enable me to live longer. I also try to be as much as a positive influence as I can be to friends, peers, classmates, and teammates by showing respect and intensity in a confident manner. This mindset on life is something that my grandmother would hold near and dear to her, and she would also want me to follow that mentality throughout my life, which I feel that I am doing to the best of my ability.

Without the guidance of my grandmother, I would be a shell of what I am today. I would not have the same work ethic that I have now, and I also feel that I would have a lesser appreciation of life. I have her to thank as I prepare to graduate high school and progress into a young man. I don't want to be remembered for simply being related to my grandmother, I want to be remembered for my achievements and qualities that were directly or indirectly influenced by my grandmother.

I feel that I am trying too hard on this
mcgreeky 2 / 4  
Oct 21, 2012   #2
I like where this is going, but perhaps you could focus more on how your grandmother has made you stronger. One guy in college talked to me about essays, and he says that people who read them might think an applicant is emotionally unstable, you know what I mean? And I understand how terrible it is to lose a grandmother. I'm not saying that is what you're doing, but if you read through and you think it sounds too "woe is me", then you should alter it. I hope that made sense!!

Otherwise, a job well done, and make sure your tenses are constant! xoxo
Lemonsnout 4 / 17  
Oct 21, 2012   #3
You should try and elaborate a bit on the "How did your grandmothers death made you stronger" part.

Not to discourage you, but the death of a family member is a common essay topic.

My condolences.

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