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"I am designing an "Operating System"." University Admission Essay - Commonapp Prompt


viethoang 1 / -  
Sep 6, 2015   #1
Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

People feel excited when someone gives them presents. But they will feel more vehement when they are able to create their own gifts.
When I told my friend "I am designing an "Operating System"."
My friend said "You are so quixotic!"
It was a pedestrian day like every day. "So today we will continue on Power Point which is very useful and powerful for your presentations," my Computer Science teacher said. That was my second class about using Power Point at school. To other students, the lesson was a cliché period as the first one was. But for me, it was extremely special. It started everything.

In that lesson, I learned about "hyperlink" which helped me to easily open programs or files outside the slideshows. I then immediately realized that I could apply that feature to create slides which contained my favorite programs' icons and then use hyperlink to launch the applications indirectly. I felt like I was enlightened by my teacher. There was a sudden flash in my head. I was so excited and curious with the idea that I then took out some A4 papers and began drawing. I named my project "Easy Life" because I wanted computer users could quickly access to their needed programs in a hub. In other words, every significant thing was displayed in one homepage. I considered some Windows's features that I could use in my slide and then I started drawing a taskbar with a clock, a show-desktop button and a start button at the top. I put a cog-wheel icon at the bottom to change the language between Vietnamese and English. At the middle area, I drew some frequently used application's icons such as Yahoo!, CCleaner, Internet Explorer and Firefox. In addition, on the left and right sides, there were two arrows to switch pages. I also added some buttons for lock, sleep, add desktop features. I flew with my imagination and did not pay attention to the rest of the lesson. I meticulously noted down every function of each button and icon in my blue print. Sometimes I chuckled because I was overjoyed and fascinated. After class, I looked back my design and fixed some defects. Then, I put some colors in my design.

In the end of the day, I reconstructed the idea by Power Point. Even though, at first, I struggled with the complexity of linking pages to pages, but after several times of testing and fixing, I finished my "intellectual" product. I felt like a truly professional producer. I then immediately showed my dad what I did for what they called "Customer Feedback" and he said "It's my pleasure to be the first to use a "software" of a very potential "programmer"." He also told me that he felt convenient when he could access to many interesting websites through my "software". I suddenly recalled when I had been younger, I had always found and tried to install many programs to modify the system's settings because of curiosity. Unfortunately, those software had broken my parents' computer many times. But this time, my curiosity fascinated my father so I felt halcyon. Furthermore, even though I knew it was just a normal Power Point file, I really wanted to share it to my friends and teachers. However, beyond all the happiness and pleasure, there was a sudden realization in my head.

"I want to be a programmer. I want to write real applications."
With that idea in my mind, I have been fathoming Pascal and C# to follow my desire since then. Every time I made a real software, I find computer world more attractive and enigma. Every time I learn novel coding techniques, I feel myself closer to my dream, a professional programmer. My passion with computer has never been faded away. I believe that I will succeed in my chosen way.

After all, my father told me that "You are not quixotic. You are holding your treasure in your hand, my son."

Word count: 664

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 7, 2015   #2
@viet, I will tackle the first two paragraphs and will get back to you for the following ones;

- ..ButHowever they will feel more...

- That was my second class about using Power Point usage at school.
- ...quickly access to their needed programs in a hub.
- I flew in with my imagination...
- I meticulously noted down every function of each button...
- After class, I looked back at my design and fixed some defects.
- Then, I putI added some colors in my design.

There you have it, I believe you need to work on your linking verbs as this matters to make the sentence mean and send your message across.

Overall, it's written well. I will get back to you for the rest of the essay.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 9, 2015   #3
@viet, so here's the second part of my proof reading. I hope you were able to see the first one.

- InAt the end of the day,...
- I reconstructed the idea bywith Power Point.
- Even though, at first, I struggled at first with...
- ...but after several times of testing and fixing,...

- ...I feel myselfthat I'm closer to my dream,...
- My passion withfor computer...
- ...has never been faded away.
- I believe that I will succeed in my chosen waypath ( I believe "path" is more appropriate in this sentence) .

There you have it, a few more remarks from my side, I hope this helps!


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