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FSU essay---desire to major in pre-law. suggestions for improvement?



ccw_20 3 / 1  
Sep 25, 2008   #1
"All too often arrogance accompanies strength, and we must never assume that justice is on the side of the strong. The use of power must always be accompanied by moral choice." This quote by Theodore Bikel is, in part, what inspired my desire to major in pre-law. Intellectual power and strength is very influential in today's society, and many times is not used for good. I aspire to strengthen my intellectual knowledge to my fullest ability so that I may be able to influence the world in a positive manner through justice in law. I believe that strength comes from ones self and the ability to stand up for ones beliefs and take action on them. FSU's guiding philosophy is very much in line with the values I try to exemplify everyday of my life.

My entire life has always been consumed with intellectual pursuits. As a child I wanted to try everything; girl scouts, soccer, gymnastics, cheerleading, ballet, swimming, public speaking, 4-H leadership, cooking, sewing, reading all types of novels, and so on. I could, and still can, never refuse an opportunity to try something new. These opportunities lead to gaining knowledge and experience that can only help advance me in life's pursuits. With a wide range of knowledge of skills and information, I am able to recognize what I excel in and what I enjoy most doing. Once I realize what those things are, I take hold to them and pursue them to my fullest ability. I recognized early on how much I enjoyed dancing and by the age of six I was asked to be on my studio's competition team, and ever since then I have devoted countless hours and weekends to pursuing my skills in the art of dance.

Even though I have a love of dance, and I do well in it, I want to make a difference in the world. I was homeschooled until high school, and was sheltered from much of the corruption in this world. When I got to high school and actually saw people's lifestyles I was taken aback by exactly how low morals and standards have actually become. I want to make a difference. I want to preserve this world and make it better for future generations.

"Vires, Artes, Mores" defines the lifestyle I have lived so far and hope to continue. Even before I understood these concepts I was already living them, FSU is in my blood and there is no place I'd rather be.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Sep 25, 2008   #2
"Vires, Artes, Mores" defines the lifestyle I have lived so far and hope to continue. Even before I understood these concepts I was already living them. FSU is in my blood and there is no place I would rather be."

A very nice essay. A good strong voice, easy readability, good organization, great opening and closing. Good work.
OP ccw_20 3 / 1  
Sep 25, 2008   #3
thank you thank you thank you!!! i really appreciate your help :) but i do have one more question... should i maybe change my second paragraph around to make that stronger also? or do u think its good enough to leave it like that? again i really appreciate all ur help


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