My Dickinson's supp essay; 'unique program through the liberal-arts lens'

Prompt:

Why have you chosen to apply to Dickinson?

My Answer:
Dickinson is unique to me for its Business and Management program through the liberal-arts lens. For a successful business career, I have demands for a comprehensive understanding of our complex world and the interaction of issues in many disciplines, which is also what Dickinson emphasizes on. Besides, Dickinson's strengths in global education and sustainability help me develop a global mindset and make decisions in thoughts of social and environment. On campus, I will have chances to independently conduct interdisciplinary research to explore and understand the significant role of social, political and science in the Business world. Outside the class, I will have many opportunities for internship to further apply and expand my knowledge, gain valuable experience, and explore my career choices. I want to be an innovative student who possesses characteristics of a leader to inspire others to generate global solutions and has the perspective to tackle the entire world outside my Business domain. This is why I choose Dickinson as my destination but also my beginning in the next 4 years.

I really appreciate your comments! Thank you.

Hi! I think your essay lacks of descriptions of your previous experience. It is important for schools to find someone who is matched to their programs and your previous experience can tell them what kind of people you.

Cao, you have too much implied information but not enough actual information in this essay. What I mean by that is, you need to qualify your statements of why you chose to attend Dickinson based upon the type of facilities and curriculum that they have specifically. Be specific about which facilities of the university you plan to utilize during your 4 years as a student (what research lab, what internship program, and other specifically named areas of the university in relation to your chosen major) and a member of the student community (major related organization, socio-civic clubs, extracurricular activities.) . The response to this prompt is something that needs to tell the reviewer that you have a clear idea of what the next 4 years of your life will be like and how you plan to fit in as a student at the university. It isn't enough that you are attracted by the obvious reasons (Liberal Arts education), and imply some information (almost all of what you have written) that you hope the reviewer wants to read about. You have to convince the reviewer that you chose Dickinson based upon some pretty specific academic and personal motivating factors. Not just what you read on the website, saw on YT, or implied information that could be discussing just about every liberal arts university you apply to.

Thank you. I will edit my essay.