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"the diversity that surrounded me, I am unique!" - Common App Essay



amtrakht 1 / 2  
Dec 6, 2010   #1
Finally, I am unique! For many years I kept my heritage in the closet. I had the luxury of being the first generation to be born in America. Although I truly did not want to hear it, my parents have repeated this sentence thousands of times. At the age of twenty one my mother, Olga, immigrated by herself to this country from Israel. She spoke Russian and Hebrew, but no English. My father, Semyon, literally escaped the harsh life in Soviet Russia with only the clothes on his back. I was born in the United States. Although I look, speak, and in every way am an American, when I walk through my front door I am transformed to immigrant status as my parents only speak Russian in our safe haven. Every day I reminded who I am and where I come from.

In elementary school, I wanted to be accepted by my peers. I was somewhat self-conscious by my parent's profound accents and the manner in which they went about certain things that were definitely not part of the norm. While other kids brought sandwiches for lunch, I would bring in a container of borscht. Excited about joining the girl scouts, I had to attend a Russian heritage school. Why didn't my parents understand that we were all living in America?

Starting high school, I began to see the diversity that surrounded me. I saw that being different from stereotyped "Americans" was not only acceptable but a positive attribute. In the past I had refused to open my eyes to most things that were not in my comfort zone. My newly discovered mindset permitted me to view situations and individuals in a clear and focused manner.

When I was fifteen years old I had the opportunity to visit my mother's homeland of Israel. I was not prepared for the beauty of the country or the throngs of relatives that greeted us. For the first time I was released from the secluded bubble of Marlboro, New Jersey. My cousins guided me through the maze of cafes, movies and shops which were adjacent to the ancient ruins. My mind could not keep up with everything I saw. At seventeen, I now have a sense of the world outside of my cloister. I look forward to participating in the semester abroad program. I will enter college as an American of Russian heritage. I look forward to a sharing my background, ideas, and beliefs with the entire college community. I am also eager to learn about other cultures. I have discovered that the United States is truly a melting pot of people from around the globe. While we all have similar goals, we are also unique in our individuality.

liqunqing 2 / 3  
Dec 6, 2010   #2
"I had the opportunity to visit my mother's homeland of Israel. "

I think " I had an opportunity to visit..." is better
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 18, 2010   #3
Hey, sorry you have not had much help yet!

I enjoyed your story. It is interesting to me, because I recently have been reading the work of Nikolain Berdyaev, whose life story taught me a lot about Russian history. I wonder how it was for your dad when he escaped, as you mentioned!

In this essay, I think you succeeded in connecting with the reader and sharing a meaningful idea. The only part I want to change is the last sentence:

While we all have similar goals, we are also unique in our individuality . We all have different goals, and :unique in our individuality does not really mean anything! So... you have to come up with a better conclusion, I think. :-) The essay is brilliant, though, and I benefited from sharing a glimpse of your perspective.


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