"A Dream in Art" need some help on my UC Davis waitlist essay

Hi, I got in the waitlist of UC Davis and I have to write a 200 word essay telling them why I feel UC Davis is the right place for me to continue my education. I wrote my essay and I need some help on it since my English is not very good...

So here's what I wrote:

UC Davis has been the school of my top choice to attend throughout high school, not only because it offers excellent education, but also because it provides me with decent resources to further explore my interest in art. I have developed deep interest in art since I was little, and I dream of becoming a video game artist and contributing to the making of character designs and several other kinds of game art. To improve my artistic skills, I have taken art classes every year in high school, and I have also taken a total of four AP classes this year, including AP Studio Art, to keep challenging myself academically in my senior year. Recently, I have won first place in the PTSA Art Contest in my school and proceeded onto the district and later the state competition, placing second in the state of California; however, I believe I still have lots to learn. I am sure that the resources and facilities at UC Davis, such as the Media and Digital Lab, can help me greater pursue my dream because they provide the necessary equipments for me to develop better skills that are essential for being a successful game artist.

This is exactly 200 words, and any advices and corrections would be appreciated. Thanks for the help!

Well, do not say "decent," because it means "only good enough, but not great."


Wow, this is so eloquently written. You are a better writer than you think you are.

equipments equipment ---you never need an s on this word.

You did very well with this. I think you should write several paragraphs, and use about 4 or 5 sentences in each paragraph.
What are the 3 most important ideas you want to share with the reader? Can you describe a particular project you want to work on at the school while using their resources? Get specific, and describe an actual game you want to design... the project you have in mind right now.

Show that you are inspired and motivated!

Oh, wait a minute... I see that it is to be only 200 words. That means it should only be 1 or 2 paragraphs. So... I take back what I said about adding many paragraphs. You can only write about 10 sentences. So, make them good sentences! Describe the project you want to work on right now, and maybe you can even give a sentence about the professor whose work you most admire.

Thanks for the correction and advice Scientiana and Kevin!
I have improved my essay and submitted it.
Thanks again for the help, I hope I get in. =)