My dream began.. check-up visits at my pediatrician.. MCPHS

My dream began when I was young and would go to my pediatrician for check-up visits. While waiting for my doctor to come in I observed how kind and comforting she was to the other patients, and I knew then this is what I wanted to be. Not a pediatrician, but a doctor who was always there to help her patients when they needed answers, or had no one else to turn to. For over a year I have been volunteering at a nursing home with Alzheimer residents and have seen how rewarding it is to help others; becoming a doctor would be a way for me to help those in need and give back to the community. Another reason I choose the medical field is because of its continuous advancement and change; the new information to discover and research to be done would foster my love of learning.

Knowing for sure that I want to go into the medical field, Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences would allow me to attend a college completely focused on my career goals. The research projects, hands-on practice and the campus location in the world-renowned Longwood Medical Area, are some major reasons I have chosen to apply to MCPHS. If admitted to Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences I would choose the professional pathway of a BS in Premedical and Health Studies/Doctor of Medicine with The Commonwealth Medical College. Through researching MCPHS I have realized this college is a great fit for me.

You're essay is very nice. However there is a sentence that struck me as odd and a little hard to understand. it might be becuase it's so late. . .But who's to say that the person reading your essay won't be reading it this late either?

'The research projects, hands-on practice and the campus location in the world-renowned Longwood Medical Area, are some major reasons I have chosen to apply to MCPHS'

Is there a better way to word that?

The intro is convincing because of your great writing style. But the topic is kind of common -- lots of students write about similar scenarios. How can we make yours distinct and memorable?

Your specific examples and details... those specific parts of the essay are impressive. But this kind of sentence does not accomplish anything---the new information to discover and research to be done would foster my love of learning. This sentence is too general and generic.

AndI found one more:
Through researching MCPHS I have realized this college is a great fit for me. Look at the sentence and the message it sends. Make sure every sentence has a meaningful message. This sentence tells the reader something she already knows.

Despite the common topic, you are still able to make it interesting and enjoyable to read. :-)