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Ecology, my essay to summer school in Sweden



Stud82 1 / -  
Mar 18, 2010   #1
Ecology has interested me since school. I had no doubt in choosing my future profession and entered the Belarusian State University, Faculty of Geography. This is the best environmental education in Belarus. I graduated from the University as the best student on the course with perfect score of 98% of subjects.

Work at research institutes gave me the practical experience of research. My work and study are also related to international cooperation. I actively participated in projects in Sweden and Lithuania. I believe that my work is very interesting and useful to society. To increase the level of my education, I enrolled at graduate school.

My dream - to teach at the university and soon it will come true. I was invited to work as a teacher of landscape ecology from the beginning of the school year.

Apart from academic interests, I also have a diverse experience in extra-curricular activities. I work at NGO, where I'm engaged in youth exchanges. As team-leader, I've participated in the training and youth exchanges in Poland, Italy, Armenia.

Sustainable development - is the foundation of human well-being all over the world. This requires joint efforts. But former USSR countries don't pay sufficient attention to this issues. Society, economy and environment are still viewed as unrelated parts of community. In my thesis, I deal with the management, use and protection of lakes. I try to base on the principles of sustainable development, but, unfortunately, often meet with incomprehension. I hope that participation in Summer School will help me to understand better this matter, and then explain it to colleagues, to see a problem from new points of view, to share my own ideas, to obtain new skills those are needed in my research and social work, to connect to others who are interested in this question and cooperate with them in the future.

Jduran9 2 / 4  
Mar 18, 2010   #2
Hey

These are my opinions:

-Get rid of the first sentence "Ecology...school" you should try to get the reader's attention with the first sentence. Try to be as specific as you can.

-You're using a lot of colloquial words . Show them that you have a more expanded vocabulary.

-Try to specify what "NGO" means.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 19, 2010   #3
I graduated from the University as the best student on the course with perfect score in 98% of my subjects. --- is this what you mean to say? 98% of your subjects?

If the score is 98%, it is not perfect, but almost perfect.

Right after that sentence, ad one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph: the thesis sentence that tells the main idea of the whole essay. AFTER giving a thesis sentence, end that first paragraph.

I think you should write paragraph 2 in a new order:

My dream - to teach at the university - soon will come true. I was invited to work as a teacher of landscape ecology from the beginning of the school year. Moreover, my work at research institutes gave me the practical experience of research. My work and study are also related to international cooperation. I actively participated in projects in Sweden and Lithuania. I believe that my work is very interesting and useful to society. To increase the level of my education, I enrolled at graduate school.

Nice job!!!


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