250 word What are your reasons for transferring and what do you hope to achieve? Common App
It is a warm, dark summer night, awaken by the ticking seconds of a clock and with the first tock of a minute, a glimpse of the moonlight shimmering through the window blinds. Like the seconds that continue to run, are similar to the many steps towards becoming something greater. Rising from foundation, follows, minutes that strike the 'tock' which roams onward as it begins to cycle, as it had once before. My life was built alongside time, consistently flowing foward. Being the first generation to be able to go to college leads a path that I have to uncover alone at Miami Dade College. After a year at Miami-Dade College, I was totally convinced that economics was the right career path for me. As the future draws near, close to the days where most beckon. Suddenly, I realized that MDC does not have a well-round business program or the resources it needs to fulfill a challenge, much like a journey with no adventure. Despite the fact that enrolling at Miami-Dade College, at a glance, seem like an impulsive mistake. However, I do not perceive it as a blunder but instead, I see Miami-Dade College as a stepping stone for ushering me towards *****, where the business program encourages students to excel. Being an entrepreneur at heart, I am fascinated by the discussion of business especially when it deals with law. An entry into *** would allow me to exceed...
Now answer "what i hope to achieve".
This is what I have so far. Care to comment/correct?
Nope, don't think this works. The first half just covers minutes, seconds etc, up to the time you started at Miami-Dade, then the second half goes into why your first year of economics was not what you wanted or expected. Columbia does not want to hear about your regretted past choice. What is important is why transfer to Columbia, why are you someone they must accept. Columbia's business program is world class - you might want to mention that...
I can agree to your first comment. But, I may have to disagree to the second because in no way did it mention that I regretted economics/mdc. Please read carefully.
My reasons for transferring may seem impulsive but rest assure the decision is most desirable.
At Miami Dade college, the school does not offer fine counseling and resource services. When requesting for help from the academic advisors about future opportunities and transfer processing, all I received were ineffectual suggestions and several planning work sheets. Where as, the approach to Columbia, communication is greatly treasure between the school and the students. Elemental features of communication leads to many opportunities that Columbia has to offer.
In the academic aspects, the Economics department at Miami Dade college does not provide students fully its features of the educational program due to limited full time faculty.
I believe that an entry into Columbia college would allow me, as a student, excel and strengthen my academic goals. Columbia college has a well-known world class business program in which I hope to experience. As well as known professors such as, Jeffrey d. Sachs, who has been an inspirational leader in his field and is placed among 100 most influential leaders in the world by Time magazine. His research in poverty reduction and debt cancellation for the poorest country matches my own interest. I look forward into gaining a more vital focus in this field that supports my educational quest.
This is another free write. Please help. I have to submit this in tonight.
It seems redundant to say warm summer and dark night.
It is a warm, dark summer night, awaken by---This structure here does not seem to make sense.
the ticking seconds of a clock and with the first tock of a minute, --I like this!
Like the seconds that continue to run, (add a noun here) are similar to the many steps towards becoming something greater.
This sentence is not complete: Despite the fact that enrolling at Miami-Dade College, at a glance, seem like an impulsive mistake.
However, I do not perceive it as a blunder, but instead I see Miami-Dade College as...
It's important to divide this into paragraphs for good organization. I think, also, as Linmark said, it is very important to highlight what you intend to do. That is what can inspire the reader most.
:-)
The RED is what needs to change to make it seem like i dont regret going to miami dade, can someone help make it better?
My reasons for transferring may seem impulsive but rest assured, the decision is most desirable. Miami Dade college does not offer fine counseling and resource services. When approaching the academic advisors for assistance in the college search and transfer process, all I received were ineffectual suggestions and several Associate degree planning worksheets. Where as, at Columbia, communication between the students and staff is greatly treasured. Elemental features of communication lead to the many opportunities that Columbia has to offer.
With regard to academic aspects, the Economics department at Miami Dade College does not fully provide students with the depth and distinctive features of the educational program, due to the limited availability of full-time faculty. Therefore, should I gain admission to Columbia, I would have a chance to further learn and explore my interest regarding this major with 55 current instructors at your department of economics. Columbia has a well-known world class business program in which I hope to partake; professors such as, Jeffrey D. Sachs, who has been an inspirational leader in his field and is placed among the 100 most influential leaders in the world by Time magazine. His research in poverty reduction and debt cancellation for the poorest countries matches my own interest. I look forward to gaining a more vital focus in this field, and advance in my educational quest.
And i want to add this in there but dont know how to blend it in. Please Help.
Despite the fact that enrolling at Miami-Dade College, at a glance, seem like an impulsive mistake. However, I do not perceive it as a blunder but instead, I see Miami-Dade College as a stepping stone for ushering me towards (need help here), where the business program encourages students to excel. Being an entrepreneur at heart, I am fascinated by the discussion of business especially when it deals with law.
Should I even mention Miami Dade College and just answer Why I want to transfer and what I hope to achieve.. even though one of my reasons for transfering is to go to a better school compared to mdc.
Please Help. I am in dire need of it. :/
Do not begin the sentence with "whereas." Also, it is one word, not 2 words:
whereas
Where as, at At Columbia, communication between the...
Despite the fact that enrolling at Miami-Dade College, at a glance, seem like an impulsive mistake.
I like this sentence a lot! However, I think you should only have this sentence and ONE other sentence to tell what was wrong with that school. You do not need to write a lot about what was wrong. Instead, write about your specific interests and goals. Can you name 2 new interests that developed for you this year? 2 new goals you can achieve at this school to which you are transferring?
Plans and goals are most impressive. You can just delete those sentences of criticism for the other school, and leave only 1 or 2. Focus on positive things about your plan and this school. Write about the books and articles written by professors you admire at this school.
:-)